Love Is Like A See-Saw
Love and passion work like a see-saw. The HIGHER your levels of love, the LOWER the level of passion. WHY?
Love comes from “sameness.” The deeper we go into a long term relationship the more we have in common (kids, house, and activities), the more “sameness” there is. Which is GREAT! That sameness creates friendship, which is the foundation for LOVE!
But do you know what it’s NOT good for? Yep, PASSION!
Passion comes from differences! In the beginning there is so much NEWNESS in your relationship, there are plenty of differences, and thus plenty of passion! As we build more sameness in our relationship, by definition, the differences start to fade and the passion fizzles.
You can switch this back on! You CAN create a height of passion that matches the depth of your love. In fact, you can create a passion that is way hotter and more exciting than it was when you were dating! I’m living proof of that!
You must intentionally cultivate the differences in your relationship! It sounds simple, but in my experience, it’s NOT common.
I’ll explain. It’s a natural occurrence as you go into a committed relationship to create more and more things in common. It’s how we instinctually build the foundation of our relationship. At some point, whether you realize it or not, these differences start to feel like a “negative” in your relationship.
For example: You may feel a sense of rejection when your partner is different, like “your way” isn’t good enough. If your partner wants to give their time to something that doesn’t include you, you may feel rejected or jealous. If your partner says, feels or thinks something different than you, you might feel frustrated, disappointed or even angry because it’s not the way YOU would have done it.
So the first step in cultivating the differences is to first DECIDE that inviting more differences into your relationship is a GOOD THING. It’s the desired outcome. It’s what you WANT because it will result in more passion!
Now, of course, not ALL differences are going to result in more love and passion in your relationship. Paul and I are all about empowering you with the tools and strategies that really work to reignite your passion!
So, here are three strategies to get you started on putting more ZING into your relationship!
Number One: Understand, appreciate and ultimately cherish the differences in your partner.
Men and women are completely different! We think, feel, and process completely differently! One of the greatest opportunities in your relationship to cultivate differences is to learn to understand, appreciate, and ultimately cherish the differences your partner brings! It begins with understanding the differences between men and women. Understanding alone does not create passion! Once you understand you can begin to appreciate the differences they bring, and ultimately cherish the differences in your partner! When you can go from feeling frustrated and disappointed with your partner, to cherishing the things that used to drive you crazy…that creates PASSION!
Number Two: Nurture and encourage your partner’s interests or passions!
This is an interesting dynamic. Let me ask you this question, “do you support and encourage your partner’s interests and passions?” Most of the time when I ask this question, people say “Yes, I do!”
Then I ask this question “What is something that your partner loves to do, that you dislike doing?” and “Do you consistently encourage and enable them to spend more time doing that?”
Different answer huh?
This is the part that may not come naturally for you. It’s time for you to grow here. If you want to cultivate more differences in your relationship, and empower your partner to be their best and most authentic self, then you must be willing to put this into action. One way to do that is to encourage and enable them to give their time and energy to something that is authentic for them but isn’t something you want to do/be yourself.
A simple example: If you don’t enjoy watching football but your man loves it, how can you encourage and enable him to do MORE of it? Instead of what you currently do, which is to bitch and moan (silently or vocally) while he “wastes his time” watching that “stupid game.”
If you DECIDE that “football” is a great vehicle to bring more “differences” into your relationship, then you can encourage and enable him with more ease, flow, and grace! Clear the decks for him to watch the game.Make plans for you and the kids to go do something fun so he can watch the game. Make snacks for him, create the environment the way he likes it, suggest he go to a friend’s house for the game…whatever you need to do!
Number Three: The Difference between Masculine and Feminine Energy!
The greatest difference that you can bring back into your intimate relationship is the difference between the masculine and feminine energy!
This ONE difference, is enough to catapult your passion to the next level! And it feels amazing!
Unfortunately, it’s vastly missing from our love relationships today. In many relationships, the authentic masculine and feminine energy has dimmed, or even flip flopped.
This is where Paul and I were years ago when we first did this work and figured out the biggest reason why our passion had fizzled – a loss in polarity (the charge between the masculine and the feminine)!
Back then, I was living more in my masculine energy and he was disconnected from his masculine, living more in his feminine. We all have both masculine and feminine energy inside of us. But we all have one primary authentic core energy. And in order to feel fully alive, invigorated, rejuvenated and passionate for our partner, we must be firmly aligned with our true core energy!
For me, that core energy is my feminine, but I was stuck in my masculine.
I don’t know if you are like me, but in my experience, when I entered the corporate world, I got a very clear message…”leave those emotions at home Missy. This is business, it’s not emotional, we don’t cry, and we don’t talk about feelings here. We need you to buck up, be factual, deliver and produce results.” Those are all very masculine tools. And I did them all really well! Remember, I was the Ice Princess back then.
For me, and the majority of women that I speak to, I have found that once we cultivate our masculine tools and masculine mask at work, it’s really easy for us to reach for those tools and that mask every time we get hurt or disappointed in relationship.
So, we start bringing that masculine energy into our relationship, out of protection. It’s well intentioned, but it has a very negative ramification…we zap the passion out of our relationship and we have no idea why or what happened. Sound familiar at all?
On the flip side, our men are lacking in positive, mature masculine role models. There aren’t many men who are rooted and immovable in their presence. Men who know who they are and are confidently decisive. Men who show up to serve, provide and protect, by putting their woman first. The rooted masculine presence that is completely confident and unshakable for his woman. A man who does not come from ego, but lives from his heart with honor to provide and serve by doing what is right. It’s RARE to find this man today.
I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, the message we were giving our boys (and men) was to distance themselves from that “macho man” of previous years. No one wanted a chauvinistic man who is confident, dominant and asserts himself from his ego for his own interest (the immature masculine). Men were taught to disconnect from their masculine so as not to be threatening to women.
That’s the primary difference between immature masculine and mature masculine. Immature masculine uses that energy for his own good and to get what he wants.
The mature masculine is in service to his woman. He makes it his responsibility to know what is in her best interest. He then provides what she needs and clears the path for her to get her to her best outcome!
So as our men were encouraged to distance themselves from their masculine energy, they were encouraged to become more enlightened, more caring, more compassionate. All great qualities and all feminine qualities.
While a lot of greatness came from this, there are also negative ramifications. This energy shift ran amuck for many men, especially those raised without positive masculine role models, and they got stuck in their feminine and disconnected from their core masculine energy.
They lost that rooted, decisive, assertive masculine presence. Ironically, in an effort to be more accepted, men disconnected from the energy that every woman craves!
On top of that, we are all exhausted from this! Living in your opposite energy is exhausting for both men and women! Women are depleted from living in our masculine. Men are exhausted from constantly suppressing their natural energy under-foot.
What’s the answer?
To authentically align yourself with your true mature masculine or feminine core energy!
When you do, you will feel a surge of energy! It’s rejuvenating and replenishing to reconnect to the energy source within you! And the passion in your relationship will reignite with a ZING!
Post a comment below and tell me ONE way you are going to create more ZING in your relationship by cultivating the differences!!