When is it just time to leave?

“Stacey, when is it just time to leave?”

I get asked that question almost every single day!

Now, this might shock you coming from a Relationship Expert…but I do NOT believe that every marriage is meant to last, long term.

I truly don’t.

Here’s what I DO believe:

All marriages/relationships come into our lives to teach us something and give us a GIFT.

Even if a marriage isn’t meant to last, every RELATIONSHIP can be rescued! 

That’s right… although that marriage or committed relationship may not be your forever love, you can and should heal that relationship with that partner! Especially if you have kids, because that relationship isn’t ending until you take your dying breath! You will co-parent with that person for the rest of your life!

I teach our students to rescue/heal their relationship so that if it’s not long-term aligned, they can happily co-parent with that partner as they move on to their forever love relationship.

Sweetie, you owe it to yourself, and definitely your kids, to have a happy, co-parenting relationship instead of living in bitterness and “pissed-off-ed-ness” (just made that up) for the rest of your life.

So what does this have to do with the question, “WHEN is it just time to leave?”

A whole lot! Let me explain…

Years ago, Paul and I developed a ‘Long-Term Alignment’ Discovery Process. That’s a fancy term for an “are we right for each other, or what??” test.

Almost without fail, the people who ask us to do the Alignment Discovery to see if they should just leave are at a very low point in their relationship. They’re feeling hurt, angry, depressed, hopeless, and they just want the pain to stop.

Here’s the problem: by definition, if they are coming to me ASKING if they can leave, they will NOT get an accurate reading on that discovery test.

Let me explain…

The only way to get an ACCURATE reading on a long-term alignment discovery is to come from a place of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner.

WHY?

Because if I ask you the questions, and you are NOT in that state of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding, then your answers are going to be driven by pain, fear, and upset.

That’s not going to actually tell me the truth about your long-term alignment; it’s all going to be clouded by the pain, fear, and hurt of today. That’s just human nature.

So, to do an accurate Long-Term Alignment Discovery Session, you need to be in a space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner.

Therefore, if you are asking me if it’s just time to LEAVE, I’m about 99% confident that you are not at peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner at that moment.

So, what IS the answer?

Our 8 Step Relationship Transformation System®.

It’s literally designed to empower YOU to get to that place of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding for your partner, so you can get an accurate reading from a Long-Term Alignment Discovery.

Actually, steps 1 – 5 of the system are designed to do that. After you fully implement steps 1 – 5, you will be in a space to do the discovery.

Additionally, Steps 1 – 5 are designed to get you to a place where you will know, with clarity and confidence, one of two things, either:

  1. From this space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding, I now see that I just didn’t have the tools & strategies to navigate the stress and crisis that challenged our relationship before. Now I am empowered with what I need and our relationship has shifted so much, that I know for sure I am ready to continue to create my unshakable love and unleashed passion with my partner.
  2. From this space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding I know with clarity and confidence that this is not the relationship for me long-term, and I am ready to happily co-parent with my partner as I transition into my forever love relationship!

Whatever the outcome, and no one can predict which it will be (so stop trying to control it), you will be more at peace, more whole and healed than you were before you began the process! And your family will be VERY grateful!

I’ve had many, many, many clients who fully implemented steps 1 – 5 and found themselves in Option #1, ready to dive deeper, take it to the next level, fully commit to their marriage and transform with that partner beyond anyone’s dreams or expectations!

I’ve also had MANY clients who fully implemented steps 1 – 5 and found themselves in Option #2. It wasn’t the outcome they had wanted when they first started.

Somewhere along the journey they started to see the Divine Guidance and redirection of the peace, harmony, family, love & passion that was all still their divine destiny, it just didn’t look like what they were trying to FORCE it to look like.

Out of fear, they had been resisting this outcome when they started, but in time they shifted SO much and became so happy, it became so obvious that they were grateful to be moving forward – with a HAPPY family relationship with their partner (for the first time in a long time) and a HAPPY love life, with a new partner.

We can never ever guarantee HOW something is going to look. That’s not for us to know, whether in life, in business, in health, with our kids, or in love. We can’t control the HOW.

All we can control is who we are and what we do!

So, although people freak out when I say it, I do GUARANTEE my results! (I can’t promise you which outcome you are going to discover for yourself, only G-d knows that.)

I CAN guarantee that IF you implement and integrate the 8 Step Relationship Transformation System®…

  • You will become more of your best and most authentic self
  • You will experience improvements and healing in your family
  • You will improve, rescue, or heal the relationship with your partner, whether or not the marriage is meant to last.

So, to answer the question, “YES, there IS a time to just leave!”

BUT…it’s NOT NOW!

You haven’t done the work yet.

And if you JUST leave, with your anger, resentment, frustration, hurt, pain, despair, rejection, sadness, pissed-off-ed-ness, or whatever you feel…you will take YOU with you to the next relationship!

Have you heard the expression, “Wherever you go, there you are?” It’s so true!

That’s why we say, ‘DO THIS WORK FOR YOU!’ Don’t do this for your relationship and don’t do this for your partner – it’s for you.  

You are SO worth it! Stop living a life you hate! Stop living in a relationship that’s not what you want!

If you have children and the relationship you currently have is not your dream for your kids, you better start shifting it right now, because you are teaching them what marriage is by how you are living in yours!

It does NOT take ‘two to tango’. You can transform ANY relationship, without needing your partner to participate in the process in order to get the results you’re looking for.

It’s not easy…

It takes work…

And YES, it’s hard… but do you know what’s harder? Living every single day in a shit relationship! THAT is really hard.

If you’re wondering if it’s just time to leave, please take the first step and do this work for yourself so that you can discover the truth about your long-term alignment!

You are SO worth it!

Sending love,

Stacey

P.S. Want help with that? Start one of our programs TODAY and start implementing steps 1 – 5 of our system!  Visit: http://relationshipdevelopment.org/programs

  • KF

    It took me awhile, but I see it now. I was driven by pain, fear and upset to the point that I was ready to end my marriage of over 20 years. In fact, my husband and I finalized our divorce within the last year. However, by getting to a place of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding for myself, our children, and for him, my “ex” and I are realigning and have rekindled a relationship that was long gone. We are finding the joy in serving each other. Proof that not every marriage is meant to last, but once in a relationship of any kind, you are always in a relationship with that person. It is only a question of what that relationship will look like.

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you so ,much for sharing! So true! You will co-parent with that partner for the rest of your days! So glad you are doing the work to create a great life for your whole family!

  • Deb

    What if you think you’re loved conditionally and your husband is a narcissist?