“What if this is as good as it gets?”
That’s the question that stopped me in my tracks 20 years ago when I was sitting on the couch in the middle of the night flipping through the channels and landed on QVC where I saw this giant man with big teeth talking about how incredible life can be in ways that I didn’t quite believe were really true!
Then he said, “look at your life right now…what if this is as good as it gets?”
The first thought that zoomed through my mind scared the shit out of me! “If this was as good as it gets I’m not sure I want to continue living.”
He had my attention.
Then he said the words that started my life on a new trajectory…”If you want something to change for you, first YOU must change.”
Until that moment, I thought my shitty life was happening TO ME.
I had the job I wanted, but I hated my stupid boss, I had a boyfriend but he was all screwed up, I had the apartment I wanted and I had fuckin’ BATS living in the ceiling, I made a great salary and I had no cash…..the list went on.
But in that moment, I had a flicker of hope for the first time… I CAN CHANGE and then MY LIFE WILL CHANGE!
That man was, of course, one of my greatest mentors and coaches, Tony Robbins. And now, over 20 years later, I’m going to pay it forward to this great man and ask YOU…
“Look at your relationship…what if THIS is as good as it gets?”
Look, you know me, I will not sugar coat shit!
If you want your relationship to change (or you want to get into a better relationship than you’ve been in), first YOU must change.
I promise you, for as much as you BLAME your partner for shit, it’s not just them!
YOU are your partner’s TRIGGER.
YES YOU ARE!
This comes up all the time with our clients. A few days ago I had a call with one of our students who was in this situation.
Her husband has a pattern of saying “no” to whatever she asks him. He may come around later, but his first answer to stuff is usually “no.” And as you might imagine, it’s not just with her, it’s in business, with their kids, with friends….it’s just “his pattern.” And he’s been this way for 30+ years. So that’s his shit right? And she’s frustrated, right?
WRONG! She can change and then he will change.
I showed her how SHE has become his TRIGGER. She is part of the pattern that he relies on to fire off his normal NO response.
I created a new way for her to ask him things that was, honestly, very uncomfortable for her because it wasn’t the way she has been asking for the last 30 years (kind of the point). But she committed to asking him differently. When she did, not only did she NOT hear a NO, but he responded by allowing her to take action to change something that would have been a “NO” if she had asked him the question the “old” way.
So, yes, until YOU change, your relationship WILL NOT change!
A magnificent love affair is not going to interrupt your day! And you were NOT supposed to FIND it! And your partner is NOT going to spontaneously create it for you!
You have to create it!
And if you don’t want to…that’s fine. Just don’t complain about your relationship or your partner, because you are creating the relationship you are in. (I warned you a few sentences ago, I will not sugar coat shit for you. I’m here to SERVE you, not enable you to stay stuck.)
If you are GAME, and you are READY to take action to create the relationship you really want, then Paul and I want to HELP YOU.
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By the way, for more information on Tony Robbins, visit TonyRobbins.com
(thank you Tony)