“How can I do better next time? What should I do in a moment like this when I disagree but the train has left the station and the kids are involved?”
Melissa had just posted in our Facebook group to ask for help navigating a situation where her husband did something she didn’t agree with in front of the kids.
Her plans for the day started with getting herself and the kids to the store before it got too crowded, and she’d asked her husband for help changing diapers before she showered and got out the door.
When they got upstairs for the diaper changes, though, her husband noticed the crib they’d been planning to convert to a bed and started working on that project.
Not wanting to undermine him in front of the kids (good job, Melissa!), she hung around while he was working instead of showering, so she could keep the toddler out of the way and the baby from eating anything.
At the end of this experience, Melissa’s husband was feeling happy because he’d made progress on an outstanding project…
But Melissa was feeling frustrated that he hadn’t thought about the impact of the project on the plans she’d mentioned to him.
What’s happening in this situation is Accidental Alignment Predicament – when you fall in love and start living your life with your partner, assuming that you are going to align on the big things because you’re married… but you don’t.
I’m gonna just drop a truth bomb here:
You will NOT accidentally align with your spouse just because you fell in love.
Let’s take a look at what really happened here…
Melissa SAID: Let’s go change diapers so I can get the kids to the store before the rush.
Melissa MEANT: My plan is to go change diapers, and then I’m leaving for the store – and there’s NOTHING ELSE happening but that.
But that’s not what she SAID.
See, women speak in implied communication – and without training, men only understand DIRECT communication.
(Men also have single focus, and I’m betting that while Melissa was saying her plan, there were 5 other things going on in that moment, and he was focused on something else…)
Instead of using implied communication, what would this situation have looked like if Melissa had said (in a PLAYFUL energy)…
“Babe, I would really love your help in getting me out the door, with both kids, in no more than 11 minutes. Would you come upstairs, do diapers with me, get shoes on, and help me get out the door in less than 11 minutes?”
I guarantee that the vast majority of husbands would respond with…
“Challenge Accepted! And do I get an extra cookie if I do it in 9?”
To which of course, the answer is YES!
I went on to teach Melissa the difference between “Inside the Moment” and “Outside the Moment” strategies for creating alignment with her husband…
As well as 3 quick tools to use to create alignment right in the heat of the moment, when you disagree with your partner but still want to create a united front and rock solid relationship!
I loved this question so much, because it gave us yet another opportunity to show how you CAN navigate a moment DIFFERENTLY to create alignment and build your relationship up… even when you disagree with your partner!
If you want more tools & strategies like this so you can be empowered to create the love and unshakeable passion you want…
Join Paul and I at this year’s 3-day Live Immersion event… Relationship Breakthrough Retreat! This event is designed to CATAPULT your relationship to the next level in just 3 days!
Details & tickets here: RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com
You’ve got this,