There it was again — that sharp, sarcastic tone.
All Angie did was sit down to ask Tom a neutral question, and he responded with that instant defensiveness and the harsh, biting tone that came with it.
Tom’s father was the same way, so Angie was sure he’d learned it from him.
Either way, whenever Tom spoke to her with that harsh tone, not only did it hurt her feelings, but Angie felt completely put down and disrespected.
Now, there was a lot going on in Angie’s situation, but one of the first things that leapt out at me was the fact she felt disrespected.
Let’s face it — the experience of feeling respected or disrespected plays a HUGE role in human interaction.
Hell, we’ve started wars and cut off people’s heads because somebody felt “disrespected!”
Respect and disrespect come from one of the six core needs human beings have, and that need is significance.
Feeling respected feeds our significance. Feeling disrespected takes away from our significance.
But here’s the thing.
Respect and disrespect don’t come from other people. They happen only within YOU — specifically, with the meaning you attach to someone’s actions.
Any time someone tells me, “I demand respect,” I know significance is right at the top of their human needs list, and they’re using demand relationship to not only try and feed their significance, but to protect themselves, at all costs, from feeling unworthy, or like they don’t matter.
Keeping significance as your primary need, where it’s right out in front like that, is always going to be hurtful, because anyone, at any time, can damage it.
In our relationship transformation system, Paul and I teach our students about all six of the human needs — including significance — and how to meet your needs, so that getting them met doesn’t leave you at the mercy of other people’s words and actions, like a puppet on a string.
I mean, what a shitty way to go through life, right?
Acknowledging that whether you feel respected or disrespected comes from within you, and the meaning you attach to people’s words and actions, is a hard pill for most people to swallow. I get it.
But how liberating would it be to just not give a shit if someone — even your partner — made some sarcastic comment? How empowering would that feel if it didn’t faze you AT ALL?
How much anger, hurt and anxiety would it save you?
And how much self-directed guilt and frustration would it eliminate, after the fact, for those times when feeling disrespected causes you to lose your cool and lash out?
So many kerfuffles in a day can be SOLVED or AVOIDED with the tools & strategies that we teach in our 14-Day Boost for Your Relationship program! Just 14 Days (and $47) to the biggest boost your relationships will have all year!
This is the LAST time this year that we will offer the 14-Day Boost program! Don’t miss it!!!
You want fewer Kerfuffles and more JOY this holiday season!? Don’t miss out on the BOOST!
(just 20 to 30 minutes a day can change everything for you)
Click for details and register: 14DayBoost.com
See you on the inside,
Stacey
P.S. When we did the FIRST ever BOOST program in September, the results were off-the-charts! How can you solve kerfuffles in just ONE day? How can a $47 program transform your marriage, parenting and other key relationships?
See what the students had to say… at 14dayboost.com