Your partner is a separate human being from you. They are NEVER going to think, act, process, and feel the same way you do. Seriously darling. This is not just “tweetable” crap I’m telling you. I really want you to take this in and FEEL IT!
Those differences about your partner that are driving you bat-shit right now….they are there by design. Yes sweetie. Your partner has brought you a gift and you are refusing to unwrap it.
Example you ask? Sure!
I happen to work with a huge amount of coaches and entrepreneurs, but this can easily apply across the board as well. I often here from one partner that they are a big vision, possibilities, goal oriented, growth, open, personal development and moving forward person….and their partner is….NOT!
In these situations, often Partner A (let’s call her Alice) will tell me that Partner B (let’s call him Bob) isn’t interested in the personal development, they don’t want to do the programs, they don’t really “support” them in their business, they don’t get their “big vision,” they are not interested in growing, they can’t talk to them about the stuff they are passionate about……and instead, Partner B is logical, practical, certainty driven, low risk-taker, finding the holes or pitfalls in things, happier to stay where they are, not into growth and focused more in the past or the present moment (not in the future).
Whether this example applies to you or not, stay with me, there’s a lesson here for you too.
These kinds of differences can drive BOTH partners crazy….to be fair.
In a very simplistic take on this dynamic – Alice is bringing way too much uncertainty and instability into the relationship for Bob’s taste. And Bob isn’t flying along for the ride like Alice wants!
In every situation, your differences are a GIFT for you! And that gift is three fold!
Love comes from sameness. That’s why we want our partner to be so much like us! The more time we spend together, the more we want them to be more and more like us. Eventually in intimate relationships, we start to evaluate everything they do against how WE would have done/thought/felt it and get frustrated (to be polite) when they don’t do/think/feel the way we do. This is painful.
The gift? Passion comes from DIFFERENCES! In the beginning there were SO many differences! And you found them EXCITING! Now, they annoy the shit out of you. And let me ask you….how’s your passion darling? Crazy hot and unleashed?
The differences your partner brings create PASSION in your relationship when they aren’t annoying the crap out of you and you can see the gift of passion that they bring!
Your partner is designed to balance you out and bring to the table the pieces you do not have! And energetically, until you get this, I bet that pisses you off even more!
Let’s take our entrepreneur from the above example! Bob is an asset to Alice. As an entrepreneur I can tell you without doubt, the most successful entrepreneurs on this planet, the ones who not only survive, but create a THRIVING enterprise that brings in abundance and fulfillment surround themselves with people who have skill sets that COMPLEMENT theirs. They do NOT surround themselves with people just like them!
I seek out people with high follow-through, detail-oriented and great planners. Because I am not naturally any of that shit and I know I NEED that if I’m going to serve you!
Who do you think posted this article on a Thursday before 1 pm, not ME I promise you. Lisa, my phenomenal director of technical operations does that! I love and treasure Lisa – especially her high follow -through, the way she lights up when we ask her to take on a new technology implementation project, and the way her brain can map out all the moving pieces of Infusionsoft so she can plan out a project! She brings gifts that I do not naturally bring! That’s why she’s an asset to my team.
I do not look to Lisa to write articles for me or put her out in front of my audience and ask her to speak in public! I love and treasure her for her unique brilliance and don’t try to make her more like me!
Similarly, in the example above, Bob is an asset to Alice. Every dreamer needs a rock! He is the string to her balloon! He creates the parachute plan so she can go out and fly high! When she can APPRECIATE that he is the longevity that will allow her to go big for the long haul, then she can trigger herself into appreciation instead of frustration!
Everyone brings their own unique brilliance to this amazing game of life! Just like in the example above, I bring my unique brilliance and Lisa brings hers.
Lisa Wells is the absolute BEST at what she does. I’m in awe of her, inspired by her and absolutely tickled to watch her work in her unique brilliance….as her best and most authentic self!
My life is richer because Lisa is in it! If Lisa was trying to be someone she is NOT, I promise you, I wouldn’t have that same experience of Lisa and she would not be enriching my life or the lives of countless other people!
When you TREASURE someone for their best and most AUTHENTIC self (treasure the differences they bring) life is a very rich, magical, and inspiring place!
So whatever that shit is that is driving you absolutely crazy about your partner, let me ask you three questions:
- How is your level of passion with your partner? Can you use some more?
- In what way does your partner’s mindset or differences serve you to balance you out or bring skills that you do not naturally have?
- In what ways have you not been appreciating the authentic and unique brilliance that your partner brings to this planet??
Don’t beat yourself up for getting frustrated or going bat-shit the next time. Just know that you are on the “spectrum of change” with this. It’s a process of awareness, to implementation! Be gentle with yourself….but now that you know, you can’t un-know it!
Post below and tell me what you got from this for YOUR relationship!!
10 thoughts on “How can you appreciate the S%#T that drives you crazy??”
I can appreciate those characteristics that were driving me crazy before about my partner. I can use them and they serve me. I can feel more relaxed and peaceful. Thank you Stacey for this wonderful article that remembers once again the importance of the uncertainty in our lives.
You are welcome Lisa!!!! I love watching you and your relationship transform!!! Love you!
Stacey Martino – you are a LOVE GODDESS! This article hit the spot for me right now in a powerful way. I’ve been wanting to choke Mike lately for his lack of enthusiasm! You are so right… he might not be the most enthusiastic guy in the world but he is my rock. He keeps me grounded, and he is my sounding board when I need solid advise. I will work on alchemizing our differences into PASSION! xo
Oh Yes Lisa!!!! Turn those differences into Passion!!! He is absolutely your protector! You can get out there in a big way because he’s always watching your “perimeter”! Be grateful and soar higher!!!! Love you both!
So true Stacey. Also, I have found from the work I have done with myself the things that annoy me about someone else are part of my shadow and by being open to seeing that helps me to heal those parts of my self. I love the work that you are doing. Bless you and Paul for being the beacons of light in this area of relationships You are changing the world with your gifts. Love and light, Debi Singho, Packing Pals – Moving Solutions That Work For You
Thank you Debi! Great insight! Love you!!
ooh Stacey have you been peaking into the frustration I am currently experiencng RIGHT NOW? I love that statement that ‘every dreamer needs a rock’ and the key to it all sounds like recognizing and appreciating how difference can compliment rather than take a way from a relationship, and not taking things that are different as a personal issue but as a blessing. Love it, truly I need to print this out and read it over every time I start feeling that frustration come up. <3
So glad you love it Bonnie!!! Love you sweetie!
I needed to hear that today….thank you! Changed my perspective that has been a negative shadow over my day today! You rock, keep bringing it Im listening 🙂 love the blog posts!
Thrilled you loved this and that it serves you Erin!!!
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