How much uncertainty can you comfortably live with??

Posted on by Stacey Martino

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“The QUALITY of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably live with” – Tony Robbins

Yes, that is painted onto our office wall…along with many other quotes that are more than just quotes to us…we live by these words!

WHY?

Many years ago, at a Date with Destiny event with Tony, Paul was stopped in his tracks by these words. As he realized that the amount of certainty he required from life (up to that moment) was keeping him from experiencing the BEST life had to bring him.

Ironically, even though I was all the way across the room from him in a sea of 2,400 people, I was having the same “stop you in your tracks” moment.

I had lived my life as a “control freak” up to that moment.

This was my initial reaction to hearing those words…(keep in mind, this was the Ice Princess thinking….)

WHAAATTTT????

I was like….Uncertainty…why in the HELL would I want to welcome more UNCERTAINTY into my life! No way! The whole point of life is to control the outcome so you get what you need, rely on no one else so you don’t get disappointed, make sure you survive and don’t get hurt!

Luckily Paul and I live by the standard of always taking ourselves to the next level. That’s why we continue to work with Tony and many other mentors and coaches!

As I went through this event with Tony I realized that control is an illusion. In fact, he changed my life when he told me “We spend all of our days try to control everything that is outside our control, and ignoring the one thing that is absolutely in our control…mastery of ourselves!”

YES! I had a big A-Ha!! Control IS an illusion! I can’t control anyone else, or the events of life. I can influence them at best. But what chance do I have of truly influencing other people and the events of life if I do not have mastery of my emotions and psychology?! NONE!

That was the moment of decision for me…when upleveling my emotional fitness and peak psychology became a MUST instead of a SHOULD.

Today, many years later, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. And I’m pretty sure tomorrow I will prove to be even happier.

WHY?

The amount of UNCERTAINTY that I can be comfortable in would make most people freak the F*$% out!

Hehe!

I am the farthest thing from a control freak! And there is tremendous relief, peace and freedom in that!

How did I do it?

I raised my STANDARDS for myself!

I challenged myself to continually uplevel my own emotional fitness and peak psychology by rewiring my triggers, shifting the meanings that I give things, strengthening my abilities to handle any situation and fortifying my faith.

I massively increased my levels of self-mastery and through doing so, I gained the “certainty” of trusting myself in any situation.

I have no need to control every situation, I do not run from uncertainty and

Comfort is not my STANDARD!

I seek UNCERTAINTY through growth! And I recognize that leaving my current comfort zone for my next level requires me to go through the DIScomfort of leaving my current comfort zone! I have become COMFORTABLE in that DISCOMFORT because my standard is to GROW.

To me, that is how I LIVE out the message of being comfortable in the uncertainty!

It is human nature to feel the discomfort of change and seek to get back to COMFORT.  If you want your relationship, or your life, to change, you cannot make COMFORT your standard. You must decide that you are willing to go through the discomfort and live with the uncertainty of growth to create the transformation you desire!

It’s a CHOICE! Choose wisely!

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22 thoughts on “How much uncertainty can you comfortably live with??”

  2. Awesome, Stacey. I love, love, love that quote from Tony. But when I heard you say "Don't make comfort your priority" it took me on a whole new level of being. Love you!!!

  3. Thanks Stacey, perfect timing as I am dealing with the uncertainty of being in a relationship with a man who loves me and is committed to the relationship as it is, but is uncertain if he will ever be ready to live with someone or get married again after 2 painful failed marriages in his life. I love him and love what we have, but don't know if being patient with him is selling myself short as I would ultimately like to co-habitate. (He says it's not a for sure "never" but he can't get his head around that yet, he's afraid it will ruin what we have). The not knowing what will happen is really hard! Is it possible to transform this kind of relationship on my own?

  5. I was just thinking about this concept today! I was equating comfort with health, that if I was healthy is would mean I was comfortable, and if I was comfortable, well it would mean I was well, healthy right? Wrong! I was lying to myself and trying to control my health rather then do everything i could to simply influence it toward the right way, including those things that made me, ahem, uncomfortable Yikes! How many times do we do that!
    Thanks so much for sharing this with us! Love to you!

  7. So true that living a life of certainty and routine is "comfortable" (and has its time and place ie running a house with little kids), but putting yourself out there and moving through uncertainty and discomfort is POWERFUL and exciting and leads to great things. Since the RBR, I say: challenge? discomfort? Bring it on!!!! xox

  8. Your words are so powerful and true Stacey. Years ago through Yoga teacher training I was taught the concept of "detachment" … and that accepting and allowing uncertainty was the magic to experiencing more day to day grace, peace and flow. I also seek uncertainty through my growth; both spiritual, intellectual and emotional. Thanks for this article, it ROCKS! <3

  9. Hi Stacey, I've been seeing this lady (we've split couple times) for about 2 yrs.
    She's got 2 young children by previous partner. I've none but want some.
    I want my own children.
    I love spending time with her.
    I've observed though if I stay over I've notice I down if/when they cry whilst we're sleeping, or more so having" intimate "relations.
    I realize they need her more than me..& if it were *our * children then we would take turns in settling them back down (plus we would've hopefully established a stronger bond by the time it came to us having a child. Currently, it's hard for me not to feel a little!(for want of better word) jealous that that time is taken away from us -even if it is just talking, eating, spooning or watching a video etc (I don't feel comfortable putting them back to sleep though we've read bedtime stories…
    I now grow concerned that at any point (despite what she currently say) she could decide not to have another (my/our 1st) child & kinda feel she'd be better off with a man who's had children/doesn't want his own but happy to take on board the "environment "as then they can just focus on building a future without the focus of supporting another child to come in the future.
    So based on this little intro (yes there's more) , I guess my question is something like "what should I/we do? How would you suggest easing back these fears of uncertainty? "
    I don't wanna "waist her time "as she puts it, nor mine. Were both mid – late 30s, & both have big work /career goals. We both love travelling. I feel uneasy when she wants makes time for me as I feel she could be using that to set up a financial future for her children. I miss the passion we once had though & I'm sure it's mainly down to me holding back…
    Any assist will be appreciated… I hope you're well… Thanks

  11. Hi Stacey, I’ve been seeing this lady (we’ve split couple times) for about 2 yrs.
    She’s got 2 young children by previous partner. I’ve none but want some. 
    I love spending time with her.
    I’ve observed though if I stay over I’ve notice I down if/when they cry whilst we’re sleeping, or more so having” intimate “relations.
    I realize they need her more than me..& if it were *our * children then we would take turns in settling them back down (plus we would’ve hopefully established a stronger bond by the time it came to us having a child. Currently, it’s hard for me not to feel a little!(for want of better word) jealous that that time is taken away from us -even if it is just talking, eating, spooning or watching a video etc (I don’t feel comfortable putting them back to sleep though we’ve read bedtime stories…
    I now grow concerned that at any point (despite what she currently say) she could decide not to have another (my/our 1st) child & kinda feel she’d be better off with a man who’s had children/doesn’t want his own but happy to take on board the “environment “as then they can just focus on building a future without the focus of supporting another child to come in the future.
    So based on this little intro (yes there’s more) , I guess my question is something like “what should I/we do? How would you suggest easing back these fears of uncertainty? ” 
    I don’t wanna “waist her time “as she puts it, nor mine. Were both mid – late 30s, & both have big work /career goals. We both love travelling. I feel uneasy when she wants makes time for me as I feel she could be using that to set up a financial future for her children. I miss the passion we had though & I’m sure it’s mainly down to me holding back…
    Any assist will be appreciated… I hope you’re well… Thanks

    NB she’s the 1 that sent me this article…

  18. Michelle that is a very normal organic progression for a man! If freedom is his first value, then co-habitation and more appears to him to be in direct opposition (and perhaps he has tied that as a path to destruction). That can all be shifted! and YES, you absolutely can shift that on your own….with the tools & strategies that actually work (and the process may not be what you think it is)…you can do this. We would be happy to help you darling! You are NOT selling yourself short Michelle (unless you do nothing about this and give up). Reach out to us Michelle….we really can help you sweetie! ([email protected])

  19. Stacey Martino you are so right!! In the next 30 days I am doing at least 4 NEW things that kinda scare the poo out of me!

  20. Leo that is a very natural reaction, it's something that we see all the time, actually. Step parenting brings unique challenges to the relationship…and it also requires unique strategies to make the relationship be unshakable and serve the children. I speak a lot about this in step 4 (synergy) of our Relationship Transformation System®. While I can't coach you in this comment area, there's too much to still ask and find out…what I will say is that one absolute strategy for feeling more certainty about your relationship is to get the proven step-by-step system to create your unshakable love and unleashed passion ….no matter what the circumstances! Have you listened to our 8 step audio program yet?? You can grab it at http://www.RelationshipTransformationSystem.com
    p.s if she sent you this article…you two are SO much closer to this being SO much easier than you think! Don't GUESS at this one Leo, reach out to us and let us help you get straight to the relationship you really want! ([email protected])

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