I Was NOT First In His Life

“Don’t call me at work unless it’s an emergency. And if it’s an emergency, you really should call 9-1-1 and not me because I’m at work and can’t really do anything about it, so really we’re back to ‘don’t call me at work.’ And if you DO call me at work (which was a mistake), don’t always ask me if this is an ok time – it’s NEVER an ok time. Just tell me what the emergency is and move on…”

We often hear from students who want to know how they can prioritize their partner when they have so many other demands on their time… their kids need them ALL the time, they have a demanding job, they’re busy doing All The Things…

The answer is the difference between ATTENTION and INTENTION.

Your attention is going to go where it needs to go – you’re busy, you’ve got shit to do!

But your intention needs to be that your partner is FIRST.

20 years ago when Paul and I first got together, he had a very demanding job in IT consulting. Sometimes that would require him to travel, or to be responsive because something went down, or to work nights because that’s when India was online…

And every night when Paul got home from work, I would just sort of hover around in the background near his home office, waiting to see if he had time for me.

I was NOT first in his life, and he was very clear about that… work was first. Case in point – that QUOTE above… that was PAUL talking to ME…20 years ago. That’s the way it was back then. 


Paul’s attention goes where it needs to go. The work he does is demanding, and he delivers.

However, his intention is: “Stacey’s first, hands down.”

We decide these things intentionally together, putting what’s best for us and our kids first…

And then his attention is just living out the intention that we set together.

If it’s not working, we have another conversation and set a new intention.

When your partner always knows that they’re first, you can do EVERYTHING!!! And you WILL – more than you’re doing now!

What will you do TODAY to show your partner your intention that they’re first for you?

Sending love,


P.S. You may think it will take YEARS for your partner to feel like they’re first for you, but it can happen in a MOMENT… when you TRULY convey from your soul that they are Number One.