I was paralyzed with fear…


I was paralyzed with fear….

About 4 seconds after I heard the sound I was out of bed, and standing at the top of the stairs.

It was the middle of the night. Paul was away. I was in the house with both kids sleeping in their beds. I heard a sound….like a door slamming.

Like I said, within seconds I was standing at the top of the stairs, basically blocking my kids doorway, phone in hand, keypad ready….already dialed 9-1…..holding my finger over the last 1.

Of course on my way to the stairs I glanced at the alarm dashboard…all doors are locked, no glass broken, all alarms armed – check.

So there I am at the top of the stairs…not breathing so I can hear ANYTHING….plans running through my mind. “what will I do?” “what was that noise?”

I waited….I waited…silence was all I heard.

Praying every single minute. Calling Archangel Michael to protect us, putting white light bubbles around us, our home, the neighbor’s home. Praying, praying, praying….but very still so I can hear everything with my “ridiculously sharp hearing.”

45 minutes goes by.

The tension started to leave my body. I sat down at the top of the stairs, blocking my “babies” bedroom door, phone in hand.

My prayer is starting to move me back into FAITH.

I get up….and go check the entire house.

Just as the alarm dashboard said, “all is well.”

I go back to bed and read until I fall asleep….the sun is coming up already by the time I nod off.

Fast forward 5 weeks!

It’s around midnight….I hear the SAME noise!

I jump up….but this time I get to do something completely different….

“Babe, did you hear that noise!?” (thank G-d Paul is home, right?!)

He’s already out of bed and across the room….”I heard it….go sit by the kids, I got it.”

Checked the alarm dashboard….”all is well” it reports – we are completely armed.

I sit at the top of the stairs, phone in hand, 9-1 pressed already….

Paul goes through the entire house.

About 6 minutes in, he happens to be in the kitchen and we hear the SAME noise…again!

2 seconds later I see him coming up the stairs.

“It’s the fuckin’ ice cubes from the ice maker in the freezer falling into the ice bucket!” he says smiling!

“No fuckin’ way?!” I say.

He nods “yes”…

“Baby, don’t make ice when I’m away anymore and you’ll be fine….let’s go to bed!” he says.

And he’s right…when he goes on a trip; I turn the ice maker off that day! 😉

I was SO sure that night that a door had slammed somewhere….it was ICE falling from the ice machine into the ice bucket!

Fourteen years ago, Paul was SO sure he was coming to my place to break up with me. He was SO certain that NOTHING could have convinced him otherwise. Until I broke open, stopped protecting, became my authentic vulnerable self that he had never seen. Then he had to question himself and his certainty… and he gave us another chance.

In life, we can be SO certain and still find out later that we were dead wrong.

So, answer this question sweetie. 

In two sentences, tell me: What do you know for certain about the current state of your relationship?

Say it out loud right now.


Let me ask you this, “Are you certain?”

Is what you just said about your relationship a “true fact” or is it the way you feel about your relationship right now?

Is it possible that there is any other way to see your relationship?

What would your partner say in their two sentences?

Who is right?

You already know the answer to that….you both are.

Be CAREFUL of what you are SO certain about.

If you said that your relationship is painful or that maybe it won’t last, be careful of your certainty. I can show you person after person that felt the same way, and successfully transformed their relationship to come back from the edge!

If you said that your relationship is passionless or lacking intimacy and you think you can’t get it back, be careful of your certainty. I can show you person after person that felt the same way, and successfully transformed their relationship to bring back the closeness and reignite the passion to experience hotter and more exciting intimacy than ever before!

If you described a situation that you think cannot be forgiven or repaired, be careful of your certainty. I can show you person after person that felt the same way, and successfully healed their relationship to start anew.

If you are not currently in a relationship and you think you can’t find it or it’s impossible to find the right person for you, be careful of your certainty. I can show you person after person that felt the same way, transformed themselves and then found themselves noticing and attracting a whole different caliber of partner!

If you described your relationship as being happy, in love and passionate, even if you described your relationship as being better than you ever imagined it could be for you….YOU have to be the MOST careful of what you are so certain of!

You read that correctly! I don’t care how magnificent your relationship is today. First, everything in this universe is either growing or it’s dying.  Do NOT get complacent my friend! Second, no matter how amazing your relationship is today, according to the Law of Familiarity, in time you will get used to your relationship as your “normal.”  No matter how good your relationship is today, it will eventually feel unfulfilling just because you get used to it.

Remember, one person can transform a relationship….ANY relationship!

Be CAREFUL of what you are SO certain about,

because it’s keeping you stuck where you are!

You may be so focused on what you know for sure…..a FEAR so real you are standing at the stairs, phone in hand, finger on the button, ready to dial that last ONE….all over some ice cubes!

Post your comment below – what WERE you certain of about your relationship? And what is possible to think about it now?

Sending love,


p.s. Paul and I have a BIG GIFT for you for Valentine’s Day! Next Thursday, January 29th we are releasing our brand new free 3-part video series “How to Reignite Your Passion for More Than Just One Night!”  It’s all about how to create your rock solid alignment with your partner and reignite the passion for lasting sparks and ravishing intimacy! Mark your calendar and watch your email for your free access!

p.p.s. Paul and I just finished up in our new studio filming the first two of these brand new videos. We have packed them with new content, tools, and strategies that we have NEVER shared before! Video number one will be available on January 29th!  Be sure to watch all 3 as soon as they are released because they won’t be available for free forever!


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13 thoughts on “I was paralyzed with fear…

  1. Thanks for sharing that story, Stacey. Such a good way to look at it – not to let our "I am certain" statements rule our reality. So true what you said about good relationshipss – if one gets complacent and "settles" into things too much, they can let things slide and all of a sudden a great relationship is sliding! Great relationships always take work and finding new ways to keep things exciting! Such an important lesson to teach our kids. All great things we build require time and investment. Enjoyed your blog, as usual! Shabbat Shalom!

  2. Stacy you have a powerful way of articulating inner feelings and emotions we all have in a way that sparks a true knowing you can help. I am blessed to have you in my journey and to witness to yours and thank you for all you do! You radiate and your energy is contagious! Love ya

  3. Soooo many things I was "certain" about have not turned out to be what I thought. So many things I thought I could never tolerate or live through, I have. So many things I was afraid of, I found out love and faith were the answers to… thank you for this article, Stacey Martino, as usual, you rock my world!!! XOXO

  4. As always, your words inspire me my friend… There have been many times in my life I thought I was ‘certain’ of something only to be wrong. And a special thank you again because like you shared above, even in the best of relationships… We can allow complacency to work it’s way in. After learning your rockin’ strategies last year, I kicked complacency out of my sacred 20 year relationship and reignited the love and passion. (((thank you)))

    PS I can’t wait for the video series!!!

    1. Love you so much Linda!! So thrilled to inspire you and serve you!!! I’m honored and just love you endlessly!!! We are SO excited for you to get the video series….just a few more days!!!

  5. Love this article Stacey. "Be careful what you are so certain about it keeps you stuck where you are" is a great reminder to all of us to not polarize ourselves or our partners, to bring through our fear and old beliefs and stay open to new possibilities. Thank you Stacey and blessings

  6. And this, is why I'm in your program! Thank you, Stacey for the little kick in the butt. I did answer out loud and I'm so tired of being certain of this uncertainty. Letting go of it was so freeing!! Now I'm open to receiving what else is possible.

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