The secret strategy to keep a relationship OFF the back burner…
Stacey Martino
Life is busy! Work, kids, house, yadda-yadda-yadda! Too often, our relationship slips to the “back burner”! Years ago, when our first child was born, I can literally remember saying to myself “Paul’s a big boy, he’ll be fine…this little baby needs me 24 Effing 7! When the baby is sleeping better….then Paul and I will have time again…” Famous last words!
The truth is….that “back burner” stuff is about so much more than time! And the great news is….you don’t need more time to turn this around and make your relationship loving and passionate again! Let me explain!
People come to us to help them with their relationships in all kinds of situations. Some of the most common are…
- Passion-less: In a caring or loving relationship, but the passion has fizzled or disappeared
- Loving & Passionate, and wanna take it to the next level
- Hanging by a Thread: where one or both partners have considered leaving the relationship.
- Getting divorced or already divorced: And realize that you need to rescue the relationship (not the marriage) so you can peacefully co-parent with your ex for the rest of your lives
- In between relationships: So that you can empower yourself to know exactly what is the best relationship for you and have the tools to create your magnificent love affair when you are in your forever love relationship.
While we help people in all of those relationship phases and more, the two phases that drive people to seek us out most often are….
Hanging by a Thread and Passion-less.
Now, to you, those two phases appear completely different.
Being in a passion-less relationship, where there is still love or caring but just no intimacy….versus hanging by a thread where one or both partners are thinking about ending it…..Those two relationship phases can seem like the Grand Canyon’s distance apart.
To me, they are the exact same relationship!
That’s just a timing difference.
Like the old joke…”what’s the difference between SALAD and GARBAGE?”….TIME!
Except this is no joke.
And that’s why I’m taking a stand today and saying this loud and clear.
Passion is the life-force of your relationship! Without it, your relationship is DYING!
If the passion in your relationship has fizzled, diminished or disappeared, your relationship is slowly dying.
Let me explain.
Very often, the passion will fade in a long-term, committed relationship. The partners will have less and less sex as time goes on. Eventually, they will revert to being good friends, parents, and roommates.
However, as time passes, it becomes painfully obvious that you are no longer having sex with the only person on the planet you are “allowed” to have sex with. The distance grows and the rejection, pain, and resentment start to build.
Eventually you begin to lead what we call “parallel lives.” Where you live under the same roof and go through the motions together, but you try not to “bump” into each other, because every encounter is a painful reminder of what you no longer share together (like bumping into a scab on a wound).
Until one day, the reason that is keeping you together leaves (or moves out of your house) and you find yourself wondering why you are even together and questioning if you can tolerate living like this until you die. And then all of a sudden, you realize you are in that other phase…your relationship is hanging-by-a-thread .
The difference between “passion-less” and “hanging-by-a-thread” is just a timing difference.
You can turn this around and get your relationship OFF the back burner by bringing the passion back NOW!
You can transform your relationship to create a trust, bond, and rock-solid alignment where nothing and nobody comes between you. You can bring the spark, excitement, energy, desire, craving and ravishing, satisfying intimacy back to your relationship.
If you are concerned that “your relationship just isn’t that hot and exciting” or that maybe “your partner just isn’t that way” or maybe you are worried that YOU are just not into sex and passion anymore…..none of that is true!
That’s just fear, frustration and confusion talking! Trust me, not only do I serve thousands of people (all going through the same dynamics in their relationships) but Paul and I went through this same dynamic!
About 11 years ago, the passion in our relationship started to fizzle. Sex was happening less and less. It was a struggle (and almost a to-do item) just to have sex. And when we did, it wasn’t hot and amazing.
WHY?
At first I thought it was the obvious….. Kids, Work, House, Busyness…..life is crazy busy and overwhelming.
But the truth is, if I can crash at night in front of the TV and unwind, I have time for sex. So, yeah we were busy, but it was more than that. We didn’t FEEL the same way with each other anymore.
As Paul and I looked deeper we realized that our relationship has slid to the back burner! We noticed several dynamics that were actually CAUSING the loss of passion:
- There were upsets, frustrations, nit-picking, “pissed-off-ed-ness” moments happening more often in our days…and it left me feeling disconnected from Paul
- At times, we felt misunderstood by each other and it created a distance.
- Paul wasn’t sure why he was upsetting me at times and so he was trying to give me more space so as not to piss me off
- We felt like “Mom and Dad” so many hours of the day….we just didn’t feel like our sexy selves with each other at the end of the day.
- There were upsets that needed to be healed in order for me to really want to be vulnerable with Paul.
- We lost the playfulness, flirty, fun energy….we were stuck in over-responsibility!
- Trying to navigate the kids, work and the house, I was stuck in my masculine energy most of the time and Paul was trying to “back off” and be accommodating for that (feminine), which turned the passion switch off like a light switch!
Paul and I decided it was time to dig in again and FIX THIS NOW! We weren’t willing to have our relationship stay on the back burner!
We started Doing The Work!
We looked at the upsets, misunderstandings and generally bitchy/nasty moments and figured out that at the root cause of it – we really didn’t understand each other as well as we thought we did. The truth is men and women are COMPLETELY different, and no one teaches us this stuff! So we dug in and learned the key differences between the masculine and feminine and used that as a “handbook” to navigate our days! (Click here to get our free ebook “It Does NOT Take Two to Tango”)
The transformation was HUGE! We started to gain more heartfelt understanding for each other. The walls between us started to melt.
We started intentionally “Switching Gears” after the kids went to bed. We made a conscious decision to get out of that “Mom and Dad” mode. We came up with a few key ways that we could trigger ourselves back into “Stacey” and “Paul” so we felt more sensual for each other.
We had the conversations that really needed to be spoken. We learned the tools to navigate those conversations so we could heal the past hurts and build our trust and loyalty back!
We started scheduling date nights with each other to bring the FUN back into our relationship. We created two simple rules for our dates:
- No wearing anything you would wear around the kids
- Conversation Topics that are off limits: The Kids, The Business, The House!
Click here to get our free ebook “It Does NOT Take Two to Tango”
And we started the real work to navigate masculine and feminine energy! This was big work for us. It took me two years of studying everything I could get my hands on to figure out how to get out of my masculine energy and back into my feminine. It was one of the hardest journeys of my life and one of the most rewarding! Paul went on his own journey, reconnecting to his rooted, immovable mature masculine energy and learning how to bring that energy to our relationship in a way that helps us grow! (this is why Paul and I are so passionate about teaching people all around the world “exactly how” to get back into your true-core energy and reignite your passion!)
Today, the passion, intimacy and sensuality in our relationship is beyond words! I honestly didn’t know that humans could have this kind of daily, ravishing, deeply satiating passion with each other! Our intimacy is way hotter than it was when we were in our twenties!
It’s so funny, everywhere we go, people are always asking us if we just got married! They can feel our energy….and we can’t keep our hands off of each other! We have been together 20 years! We have two small kids and crazy busy lives!
We didn’t start out this way, we created it! It wasn’t easy. There’s no magic pill. We did the work!
But it doesn’t have to take you as long as it took us. And you don’t have to suffer and struggle as much as we did, trying to figure this out on your own!
In fact, in a shorter amount of time than you think, it can be hotter and more electric than it ever was!
HOW?
Paul and I have taken our journey, over the 15 years that we have been doing this work, and created our proven 8 step Relationship Transformation System!
When you master these 8 essentials, you will reignite your passion, reconnect stronger than ever, create your rock solid alignment, get the attention and support that you crave and deserve and unleash the ravishing and satisfying daily intimacy that will blow your mind!
We want to give you our 8 step solution, so you can begin transforming your relationship today!
Click here to get our free ebook “It Does NOT Take Two to Tango”
Sending love,
Stacey