What’s the difference between salad and garbage?
If you have ever eaten part of a salad, then gone back to finish it the next day, you know what I mean.
Given enough time, it wilts, it spoils, and the next thing you know, it’s garbage.
That can and does happen in our relationships, too.
People come to us for help in all different phases of relationship. Some aren’t even currently in a relationship but want to make sure they have the tools to find the right relationship for them.
Others are divorced, but have kids together and want co-parenting to go as smoothly as possible.
We also help people whose marriage is excellent, and they want to divorce-proof it.
But by far, the two most common phases we work with are what we call Hanging By A Thread and Passionless.
Hanging By A Thread is where one, or both, of you has thought of leaving. Your hand is on the eject button, and you don’t like the way things are going. You may not necessarily want to leave, but you’re not sure you can stay with the way things are.
You may even be thinking about, if not already planning, your exit.
In the case of Passionless, you’re not yet to the point where you’re thinking of leaving, because your relationship is good. You parent well together, and you’re good friends.
The problem is, you’re more like roommates than lovers. There’s no passion, no heat, no excitement.
A lot of people assume there’s a Grand Canyon-sized chasm between Passionless and Hanging By A Thread.
But to Paul and I, it’s the same relationship. The only difference between a Passionless Relationship and one that is Hanging By a Thread is…. TIME!
In other words, it’ll go from salad to garbage.
Passionless relationships are an epidemic right now, so if you’re living in one, you’re not alone.
It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or with your partner. Not at all.
Society is convinced that Passionless is inevitable, so when the passion in our relationship starts to fade, we think our only option is to suck it up and be a “grown-up” about it. “I can do without it. That’s okay. I’m mature, I’ll just focus on other things like our kids and my job.”
Except it just gets worse and worse. The avoidance turns to cold-shoulder, which turns to feeling unwanted, which becomes rejection. And it feels too hard to reconcile and get back to having sex. Then one day, the thing that was once keeping you together —the kids, or whatever it is— is no longer a factor.
When that happens, you find yourself staring across the table at the person you’re with, thinking, “Oh God, I don’t know if I can do this for another 40 years.”
And that’s when it will hit you… you went from Salad to Garbage (it was just a matter of time).
Saying a passionless relationship is “the norm” is a false belief, and in episode nine of The Relationship Transformer Podcast, Paul and I are going to share how you can start reigniting your passion. Click here to listen.
You can have the super hot, super passionate marriage you want.
Get started now by listening to episode nine of The Relationship Transformer Podcast at www.MartinoPodcast.com.
Stacey and Paul