“My husband is abusively mean and cruel to me, and I cannot change that!” she insisted in her post…
“I’m sorry you’re navigating that, I’d love to help you navigate this… tell me specifically what is happening” I replied.
“Okay, Stacey, this is what happens,” she said. “We get in an argument about something, it goes on and on, it’s getting really heated, and then BOOM, he just shuts off. He says ‘Nope, I’m done,’ and he walks off and will not talk about it.
“How am I going to fix something if he will not talk about it anymore?” she asked. “It can’t take ONE person to fix that if he REFUSES to talk about it!”
“And it gets worse, Stacey,” she continued. “He’s so mean to me that he won’t talk to me about this, not only for the rest of that day, but for three days! I’ll say ‘can we talk about this now?’ and he’ll say ‘No, not right now, I can’t even.’”
She went on to insist her husband was punishing her by shutting her out, and there was nothing anyone could do to solve it. “I’ve tried everything!” she added.
So I said to her, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if you swap this man out for another man, you’re gonna find yourself with the same shit, new face…because what you just described was not abuse or cruelty. What you just described was men.”
Does what I said to her surprise you?
Or are you nodding your head, thinking, “Yep, Stacey’s exactly right”?
Something most of us aren’t taught growing up is that the people in our lives are different than we are.
And when we don’t understand that, we run around assuming we know why they’re doing what they’re doing, and slapping labels like “cruel and abusive” (and many others) on their behavior.
Another thing we do is demand that they change.
But here’s the thing.
If you’re going through life needing someone or something else to change in order for you to be happy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. BIG time.
Yet society as a whole brainwashes us to expect the people around us to “make” us happy…especially when it comes to people we’re in relationship with.
Is it any wonder, then, that when our partner fails to “make” us happy, we feel angry, trapped, and hopeless?
Especially when you pile on the fact we’re programmed to believe heaps of crap like…
“It takes two to tango.”
“You both gotta want it.”
“If they don’t wanna change, there’s nothing you can do!”
“You both have to do the work.”
“You have to meet me halfway!”
“Relationship is a compromise.”
What Paul and I came to realize, after bringing our relationship back from the brink, is that the opposite of all that “it takes two” crap is the truth.
ONE person has the power to transform any relationship.
And in episode three of our Relationship Transformer Podcast, Paul and I reveal the simple two-part process anyone, at any time, can implement to change the entire dynamic of their relationship.
You’re also going to learn the #1 most powerful force in human relationships today.
It’s not something you can stop, but you CAN learn how to harness it, so you get the response you want from your partner, instead of the reaction you hate.
Here’s the link to listen: