What Actually Kills Passion

The epidemic of passionless relationships has most people convinced that losing the heat and spark and playfulness in your relationship is inevitable.

And it begs the question: Does passion fade in long-term relationships, or not?

The answer is yes, and the reason it happens is what Paul and I call “The Love and Passion Seesaw.” 

Here’s how it works:

The higher and higher the love side of your seesaw goes, the lower and lower the passion side gets, because they work in opposite directions, just like a seesaw.

Love is created from sameness — from having things in common. The more you’re with someone, the more and more you have in common.

You start to have friends and activities in common.

Then you start living together and have the house and possessions in common.

Bring kids into the mix and you have those in common.

All this means is you’re heading deeper and deeper into love, which is wonderful!

But that sameness, even though it’s great for love, isn’t great for passion because passion comes from differences.

In the beginning, there are lots of differences, right? Everything is new and shiny and fresh and exciting.

But the longer we’re together, the more sameness settles in, which means everything that created the passion starts falling away.

And as it does, we start trying to explain and justify it, as in, “What happened? We used to be so hot, and now we’re not. It must be them. It must be me. It must be the kids. It’s hard to be a parent and feel sexy. My hair’s always in a ponytail and I’ve got puke on my sweatshirt.”

Look, there’s NOTHING wrong with you if you’re in a passionless relationship. Like I said, passion does fade organically.

The BIG mistake we make is when we think there’s no way to flip the switch back on.

That is NOT true!

In episode 10 of The Relationship Transformer Podcast, Paul and I will talk about how to reignite the passion in your relationship. 

We’ll also deep dive into what causes passion to fade in long-term relationships (including the role masculine core energy and feminine core energy play).

Bringing Unleashed Passion into your relationship is not as difficult as you think. It’s certainly not “your fate” to live the rest of your life in a passionless relationship!

Paul and I know it’s possible because we’ve done it (and we’ve got two kids and been together for more than 20 years). In fact, when we fly to events, we’re so affectionate that flight attendants always ask if we’re on our honeymoon. Hah!

Listen to episode 10 of The Relationship Transformer Podcast at MartinoPodcast.com.

Free yourself from the guilt, shame and blame of thinking there’s “something wrong” because passion fades…then get tools to start reigniting the passion in your relationship.

Sending love,


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