“But Stacey, I’ve tried everything to save my marriage. I’ve done everything I can.”
I hear that a lot from people who are new to Relationship Development.
They’re sure they’ve “tried it all,” sure nothing else can work, and because of that, believe ending their relationship is the only option left.
It’s no surprise, then, that the question Paul and I get asked more than any other question is: “How do I know when it’s just time to leave?”
It’s a valid question. Especially when, in addition to your own doubts, you’re surrounded by well-meaning friends, family, and even couple’s therapists yammering at you about how leaving is the “only solution” (whether or not it’s what you actually want for your family).
But is it really?
Let’s start with the statement, “I’ve tried everything.”
After working with thousands of people, I’ve learned that when someone tells me they’ve “tried everything,” they mean one of two things:
1) They’ve “tried everything” to get their partner to see things their way, or…
2) They gave in and tried things their partner’s way, but can’t keep going because they’re miserable.
Not only do both of these scenarios suck, both are doomed to failure. Why?
Because both are firmly entrenched in demand relationship.
And the road to divorce is paved with demand relationship.
There’s a reason divorce rates in second and third marriages are even higher than divorce rates in first marriages!
Because demand relationship is the norm–it’s how we’re conditioned, both as kids and as partners–and we don’t know any other way, we bring it into every single one of our relationships.
And when they fall apart, we end things, thinking that we will PICK better next time. Someone who is not so ______ (fill in the blank) and more ____ (fill in the blank)….
Then we go find a new relationship, and employ the same exhausting demand relationship tactics that sabotaged our last relationship… and BAM! We find ourselves in the “Same Shit – New Face” moment of being miserable again.
It’s a vicious cycle that leads so many people to that bitter, hopeless place where they decide, “All men are jerks” or “All women are crazy.”
Do you want to know the TRUTH?
The TRUTH that will really set you free??
When someone–including yourself–tells you that divorce is the only answer, what that person is really saying is, “I’ve reached the end of my skill set. I can’t think of anything else to try. That means ending it is the only solution.”
That line of thinking is total and complete bullshit, and in episode five of The Relationship Transformer Podcast, you’re going to learn our shocking answer to the question, “How do I know when it’s time to leave?”
If your relationship is hanging by a thread; or you’re just curious to learn the highly unconventional Relationship Development stance on when (or if) divorce actually is the “only solution,” here’s the link to listen and find out:
Stacey and Paul
PS – If getting divorced were really the only answer for so many “hopeless” people, how would our RelationshipU program have a 99% Success Rate and a 1% Divorce Rate!?!?
Leaving does not SOLVE anything! There is a real solution, and you deserve to know what it is!
Check out the podcast!!