Heidi sat on the edge of the bed, listening to her husband getting more and more upset, and wondering where the hell this giant KERFUFFLE had come from and when it was going to end.
She knew she could get it over with quickly by saying what her husband wanted to hear to make him happy, but she just didn’t want to say it…
She didn’t want to have to compromise herself to make their relationship work.
Can you relate to this scenario?
If you’ve been around the block for any period of time, I’m SURE you’ve been told that “you MUST compromise in relationship…”
That is the biggest lie going around!
When I hear “experts” saying that compromise is the key to a successful relationship it infuriates me to no end!
Because compromise is built on good behavior…
I don’t know about you, but unless it’s for less than 60-90 minutes, I can’t have good behavior for a long period of time! And how can you build a marriage on that??
Compromise is doing something you don’t really want to do in order to please someone else…
Pleasing in a relationship is CRAP because it’s phony… and when you try to please someone, nothing is learned so the relationship doesn’t grow.
Pleasing other people doesn’t work… and it doesn’t feel good.
By definition, you CANNOT build an unshakable love on a foundation of such fragile and phony crap as pleasing other people…
And there’s a strategic reason why pleasing in relationship doesn’t work.
In the incredible book Ask and It Is Given by Esther Hicks, they teach that we all have an Emotional Guidance Scale programmed within us. Our emotions are actually giving us a clue as to when we are IN alignment with our best selves or OUT of alignment.
Pleasing comes from the negative side of the Emotional Guidance Scale…
And the boomerang emotion from pleasing will keep you firmly on the negative side of the Emotional Guidance Scale…
The boomerang emotion that comes back to you from pleasing?
Because you did something you didn’t want to do to make someone else happy, but you did it from the negative side of the Emotional Guidance Scale…
So did it actually make them happy?
NO! Because when you do or say anything from the negative side of the Emotional Guidance Scale, they FEEL that negative energy…
So the boomerang emotion for you is, “I only fucking did that to please you, and it didn’t… Now I’m resentful.”
Yeeeaaaahhhhh… I see you nodding over there.
That’s why compromise and pleasing CANNOT be a way of life.
So what’s the answer?
Giving comes from the positive side of the Emotional Guidance Scale.
How do you get from pleasing to giving?
You do the work.
Show up to serve. Show up to give.
Take action from the positive side of the Emotional Guidance Scale…
And it will be Giving, and it will feel GREAT.