I am thrilled to introduce you to our dear friend and Parent Empowerment expert Tiffany Kane of www.ConnectedToYourCore.com. Please welcome Tiffany as our first guest contributor to the Love and Passion Coach blog! When I read this article from Tiffany (actually, she read it to me on the phone) I was so blown away by her incredibly profound and immediately USABLE approach to this awesome life lesson, that I just knew I had to share it with you!
I often coach my clients that life is happening FOR you and not to you, but Tiffany’s twist on this is brilliant, profound and something I immediately incorporated into my world when I heard it! Hope it serves you today! Please post your comments, as usual, and we will respond!! Connect with Tiffany here
I think the first time I heard about the concept of a defining moment many years ago was from Dr. Phil. I am not even sure if it was a term he coined or if he got it from someone else.
I like the idea of being able to identify a moment in time, when you had to make a decision that truly reflects the nature of your being. The only trouble with defining moments is they are usually accompanied by devastating circumstances which can make you feel as if you have been stricken with a 2 x 4. It could be the loss of a job, receiving a daunting diagnosis, the loss of a loved one or something else that shakes you to your core.
The power of a defining moment comes with the choice you make about how to handle it.
I propose that you adjust your perspective of the situation by transforming the 2 x 4 into a – to, by, for – by asking yourself three key questions.
1 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening to me?”
If your answer is yes, you are approaching the situation from the stand point of a victim. When you cast yourself in the role of victim, chances are you are not feeling very powerful. And when you make decisions based in feelings of being less than or minimized in some way, you are not making decisions which honor and respect your true value.
There is no power in believing that things happen to you.
2 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening by me?”
If your answer to this question is yes, you are on the road to a more powerful place, because you are willing to take a look at how you may be responsible for the devastation. Unfortunately, this road has a couple giant potholes. One pothole allows you to be stuck in the blame game of feeling bad about yourself and experiencing guilt. The other pothole is created by how easy it is to take on responsibility that may not be yours to begin with.
While there is some power in believing things happen by you, and sometimes they do, there is also the danger of taking on too much responsibility.
3 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening for me?”
If your answer to this question is yes, congratulations! You are clear that this circumstance, whatever it may be, is an opportunity. It may be an opportunity for you to discover strength you did not know you had. It may be an opportunity for you to deepen your faith in something bigger than you are. It may be an opportunity to learn to ask for help or depend more heavily on others.
Of the three choices, deciding that devastating circumstances are happening for you, is by far the most powerful perspective and the best way to take advantage of life’s defining moments.
Love and hugs,
Tiffany works with proactive parents who desperately want to love the most important job they will ever have, but sometimes feel overwhelmed by the day to day responsibilities that come with it. Through the Connected to Your Core Parenting Program™ seminars and private coaching, parents learn to embrace the perfect parent within, build confidence, eliminate self-doubt, trust themselves and have a lot more fun with their kids.
Tiffany is fiercely committed to empowering parents to raise empowered children who think creatively, communicate effectively and take responsibility for their thoughts words and actions. Clients have praised Tiffany for encouraging them to own their stuff in a kind way and then calling them to action. Despite a successful 20 year career in education and nearly complete doctoral degree in Educational Psychology, Tiffany found herself feeling afraid and unsure about her ability to raise her own toddler son upon the sudden and unexpected death of her husband. She is acutely aware of the fact that you do not have to be a widowed, suddenly single mom to wrestle with fear and sabotaging self-doubt when it comes to raising your kids. Download you free MP3 audio program, “Raising Empowered Children,” at www.connectedtoyourcore.com