Ok, buckle up buttercup because here comes ….Round 2!
The timing of this is oh so perfect…I just got back from an AMAZING week at an extraordinary business event, packed with over 400 entrepreneurs ready to take their message out to the masses to make this world a better place! LOVE IT!
In the picture above you can see me on the event’s Success Panel with my friends and mentors Fabienne and Derek Fredrickson….so FUN and such an honor to be selected to speak!
Whenever I’m at these events, a pattern seems to form. Entrepreneur after entrepreneur approaches me to discuss some of the challenges they face in their relationship…and ultimately in their business too.
See entrepreneurs know that their business impacts their relationship. Any entrepreneur will tell you that. But what many of them don’t recognize right away is the HUGE impact their relationship has on their BUSINESS.
Time after time, entrepreneurs, and people with demanding careers, are presented with opportunities to take their business to the next level…but their first flinch (or pull back) is “But my spouse!”
I hear it all the time… “But my spouse will just kill me if I ….” or “If I do one more event, one more program, one more XYZ, my spouse is gonna freak!”
Time and time again this is an issue for entrepreneurs and people with demanding jobs. And the question I get asked most often is
“How can I get my partner to get on board with XYZ?”
You know me well enough by now, right? I’m just going to get right to it with you, ok?
You are asking the WRONG QUESTION.
Listen sweetie, if your partner felt that they were number one in your world, without question, there would be ZERO ISSUE with you taking your business to the next level.
In fact, they would be bringing ideas to YOU saying things like “Hey, we should do this for your business…check this out!”
It’s actually very simple.
The fundamental reason why a partner will consistently PUSH BACK when it comes to your growth in your business is because they are competing with your business for your attention, time and priority! Why would they want you to put MORE time and attention into something that they are competing with for your attention and priority???
The truth is….if your partner truly felt that they were #1 in your life, then they would support YOU being the best version of yourself…no matter what form that took!
So it just comes down to this – Your partner needs to be your number one, above all else, including your business!
Take an honest look at your life and your relationship. How do you show up each day? Where is your “center of gravity”? Would your partner say that they are number one in your life? above work, above everything? Or would they say that they are second to your business…maybe even third, fourth or fifth?
Be honest and take a look at how you have shown up (until now).
You want to grow your business, you want to get out there in a bigger way and serve, right?! Awesome, me too!
Start with the most important person in your universe, ok!? Serve your partner first, and then together, you will take your business to levels you never even dreamed possible!!! (that doesn’t mean they need to work in your business, it means “together” – as in “when you are both on the same page”)
Here’s the secret…yes, your business is impacting your relationship, you already knew that. But….
Your relationship is also impacting your business – big time.
It’s impacting how big you are willing to play, the risks you are willing to take and your CONFIDENCE in everything that you do! You want to grow your business, right? Then create a magnificent love affair and bring that synergy and power to your life and your business. Then you will lift all limitations on what your business…and your life, can be!!
And now onto your FAMILY…
Now, let’s tackle the last biggie. When it comes to putting your partner first, that means that your partner must be a priority for you, over your family of origin. For some couples, this comes easily and naturally and isn’t a struggle. For other couples, the family of origin challenge can take down the entire marriage, end the relationship and break up a family.
If your relationship sometimes struggles because your partner is giving priority to members of their family of origin (mom, dad, brothers and sisters), then you know how painful this can be. If you suspect that your incredibly close relationship with your family of origin, and their robust participation in your life, is sometimes painful for your spouse, then this is your warning sign. Please listen up!
I know you love your family….that’s awesome…I love my family too.
And here’s the thing. When you enter into a committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) with one life partner, you are declaring to the world that you are making your PRIMARY FAMILY (wife, husband and children…or wife/wife or husband/husband…) your priority….above family of origin and extended family.
Way back when, one of the purposes of the wedding ceremony was for the couple to declare, in front of the entire village, that they were shifting their PRIORITY from their family of origin to their new Primary Family (spouse and kids). This served as a declaration that from now on their family of origin and extended family, would always come second to their primary family. Somewhere along the way, this ritual was lost from the wedding ceremony.
I see this all the time in love relationships. Where one or both partners have not prioritized their spouse (or committed partner) over their family of origin.
Anytime your family of origin (or worse, extended family) gets priority over the members of your Primary Family…there will be pain and difficulty in your relationship. And by definition, that is NOT an unshakable love.
Your lover, your partner, your one-and-only MUST be a priority above your family of origin and all other family members!
Ok, so you’re getting the message now right? Your partner must be your number one….above the kids, above your work, and above your other family members. If your partner does not feel that they are your number one right now, you MUST take action to remedy this right away!
As Tony Robbins says, “Love is the oxygen of the soul!”
If you want to experience an unshakable love for the next 40 to 70 years that you have together….start taking action today! Show your partner that they are YOUR NUMBER ONE!
Next week, the third and final article in this series will cover HOW to put this into action – HOW to put your lover first….even with kids, business, family and a million other things that you do every day! Stay tuned!
This article is Part 2 of a 3 part series. For Part 1, click here: http://relationshipdevelopment.org/puttingyourpartnerfirstp1/)
18 thoughts on “Buckle Up Buttercup…It’s Round Two!”
Hi Stacey, This article comes at such a good time. I am revamping our business and as my spouse and I work toghether I need to put a lot of thinking into how I grow and what risks I take in such a way that we are both on the same page. I agree with you 100% “Your relationship is also impacting your business”. Love
Awesome Irina!!! SO many people need your gifts!!! As long as Marius knows he is your number one, I know there is no stopping the two of you and your impact on the world!! Love you!!!
As usual, BRILLIANT, timely, relevant to everyone, insightful, and full of love and service to all. THANK YOU. 🙂
Thank you Lorie!!! I'm so glad you loved this article!
Stacey, what a great article! My sweetie is super-supportive, but I'm relooking to be sure he knows he's #1 and that my actions support that statement. <3 you! Love that you're positively changing relationships around the world!
Thank you Sandi!!! You are amazing!! It just goes to show that THIS is how you GET a super fantastic relationship – by always being willing to do what you need to do for your love….even when your relationship is super awesome already!! LOVE you!
Thanks for this Stacey Martino. You know I will be using all this information as a screening tool when the time comes!
(Big Smile)!!! I'm counting on that Tiffany!!!!! Thanks for taking the time to share here!!! love you!!!
Love it Stacey! Beautifully written!! Looking forward to Part 3!!
Thank you so much Jen!! I really appreciate you taking the time to share your comments!! Love you!
Always such true insightful content Stacey Martino. I'm so glad you have taken on the role of helping others in their relationships… Through you and your programs, there will be happier more fulfilling marriages and relationships with our children!
Thank you SO much Kelly!!!! I really appreciate your love and support!!! I know you and Chris are doing your part 😉
To your words "Your lover, your partner, your one-and-only MUST be a priority above your family of origin and all other family members!" I say AMEN! 🙂
AMEN! Love you Laura! Thank you for taking the time to share!!
Hmmm… At first when I read this, I thought, “That’s not why he pushed back. He pushed back because he didn’t want me to spend any more money.” And I think that’s the honest truth. But to be perfectly fair, if he had felt that he was number one in my life (I’m talking about my ex here), that I loved him above all else, then perhaps he’d have… no, I really think he would have objected just as emphatically.
That being said, your message is still true. And I love Sandy’s comment, that it’s not enough to make your honey-bunny your top priority; you need to be sure he knows he’s number one, that he feels it!
Hi Nancy! Thank you for taking the time to share here sweetie!!! Your perspective is really interesting and the issue you highlight is a common one. Since you are not still in this relationship, it’s not something we can dive into too deeply…but generally speaking, if it’s interesting for you, challenges between spouses over money are often a symptom, not a cause.
For instance, one spouse will often feel that the other spouse does not have heartfelt understanding for their feelings on finances, because they don’t share their perspective on finances. This is extremely common. Since part of the process of putting your lover first is to cultivate heartfelt understanding for them, by doing so you would develop an appreciation for your lover’s perspective on finances (and they you).
This would allow the two of you to come to an agreeable team decision on finances that meets BOTH partner’s needs. As opposed to one partner taking action and the other partner feeling misunderstood or just left out. Of course, this process is much more involved then that, but at a very high level, that is what I mean by if your spouse felt he was truly your number one, then he would support you, and you him…because together you would decide as a team what would work to meet both of your needs.
Thanks again for sharing, this is such an interesting conversation!!!! Sending love to you Nancy!
This is so great Stacey. And the family of origin piece is particularly important!
Coming from an Asian culture, I often see that this separation between the couple and the family origin is incredibly blurred. But the reasons you’ve given for this to stay separate, and how the couple should be the priority, are spot on.
Oh, and congrats on being on the Success Panel!
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective Sarada!!!! I really appreciate you!!! And THANKS! Being on the Success Panel was awesome!! And knowing that you were watching was filling me with love!!! Love you!
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