This article was written after seeing the First 50 Shades of Grey Movie.
I really wish this movie was about sex….but it’s not. Bummer!
There are many commentaries out describing 50 Shades as a movie about abuse…but it’s not (at least not the kind of abuse everyone is referring to).
First let’s get it straight about abuse. This movie IS very much about abuse, but NOT the kind of abuse everyone is gabbing about…
People are going on and on saying this movie is a story about a man abusing a woman.
I completely disagree with that.
I could talk about this for 3 hours, but honestly the word “abuse” is really thrown around these days and people use it to mean whatever the hell they want. Too many people use the word “abuse” to create sensationalism and make trite observations... I don’t do sensationalism, and I definitely don’t do trite. So I’m not going to participate in that garbage talk.
In my professional opinion, there was zero abuse between the adult male and female characters in this film. He hit her. She consented to it and then decided that it was not acceptable. In my professional assessment, that is not “abuse.” It’s not awesome… but it’s not abuse. Everyone has shitty experiences in life, of varying degrees.
The term “Abuse” really lacks parameters these days. Too many people have a definition of abuse that includes “someone not treating you the way you want to be treated.” That’s not abuse.
So while 50 Shades is not at all about abuse between the male and female characters, it is, ironically, very much a story about a man’s journey from the abuse he suffered as a child and his coping with that trauma.
(Spoiler alert…if you haven’t seen the movie and plan to, maybe don’t read this)
In the movie 50 Shades of Grey, we see the story of a boy who was physically abused and traumatized before the age of four, in the presence of his mother.
It’s very understandable that a 4-year-old who seeks safety from a woman who lets him experience pain, would create an association with pain and love at a very young age. At the age of 15 an older, mother-figure female repeated this pattern with him of providing pain and “love/connection,” and combined it with sexual pleasure & release, making it an addiction for this boy.
As most people do, he continued using his coping mechanisms to meet his six human needs through the vehicles that he has been conditioned to through life, and eventually he repeated these patterns to meet his needs, as the one delivering the pain as he got older.
Now about the sex…I wish 50 Shades of Grey was about sex and consensual S&M between lovers. But it’s not at all about that. That is very sad to me, because 50 Shades of Grey is ‘marketed’ as eroticism, when it is NOT.
I believe that people today are so STARVING for main street acceptable erotica that they are flocking to this movie to fulfill their needs for that kind of energy and surge of sexual sensation.
There is plenty of beautiful, healthy eroticism available today! And it has NOTHING to do with abuse, coping, and being trapped in the blue print of a child violently hurt under the age of four.
S&M, erotica and bondage can all be a wonderful and healthy part of a consensual sexual relationship between two adults who want those experiences. It’s not for everyone. Neither is pistachio ice cream…but it’s somebody’s favorite flavor!
And if your flavor of that experience includes being tied up, S&M, erotica or dressing up like Wilma and Fred Flintstone…go for it and have fun! Everything is awesome between two consensual partners taking their passion to new heights.
I wish that was what this movie was about.
But unfortunately, it was about a boy who hasn’t recovered from some pretty serious trauma and is living out the blue print and coping mechanisms that he created at a very young age during some traumatic moments in his life. (Our blueprint is how we have wired ourselves, the software that runs our show.)
Women everywhere flocked to the movies in the hopes of having a nice (wet) surge of pleasure from watching a masculine man take his woman over and over and over again into levels of extreme pleasure….unfortunately, there were some key mistakes made that left women unsatisfied and a bit dry…I’ll discuss those mistakes in next week’s article!
Now, I only saw the movie….I have not read the books (and I’m not going to), so my entire perspective is 100% solely based on the movie 50 Shades of Grey.
As a strategic interventionist, I found the movie very fascinating. (Blueprints, vehicles, pattern interrupts, masculine/feminine energy, six human needs, coping strategies…all kinds of cool stuff going on)
As a passion expert….this was not a movie about sex, so that was a disappointment.
Fortunately, I didn’t stay disappointed long… Paul took me home and…well, you know…he more than made up for the sexually ecstatic experience I was longing for!
Did you see the movie? What was your take away from it? Post a comment below…I can’t wait to hear your perspective! I promise to personally respond to all comments!!
Sending love (and passion!)
12 thoughts on “50 Shades of…whaaaaattt?!?!”
Oh my God, hahahaha! I LOVE you Stacey; you are just so genuine, engaging, and very knowledgeable in your domaine. Very entertaining AND informative! It’s funny how many people won’t comment on an article that has a lot of truth to it… Thank you for your service. We all need what you have to offer. Please keep pointing us folks (I KNOW I am not the only one) in the direction of tools for having our own sexually ecstatic connections. YOU ROCK!!
THANK YOU Althea!!!! YOU ROCK!!!! Thank you for such an open and honest commentary!!!! I really appreciate you!!!!! You are so welcome!!!! It’s my great happiness to continue to teach you and many others……what makes everything worthwhile, is when an amazing person like you dives in and starts USING these tools to change her life!!!
I truly hope to see you in our RD101 Class that is starting in two weeks! I know you will love it!!! Sending love!
I have read the book but haven’t seen the movie. I agree that his whole life is built off of those traumatic experiences that shaped him, and it’s definitely not romantic how he won’t allow her to kiss him or touch him–he has to be in control 100% all the time. But yeah there’s also a sultry sexy take-me-away-and-ravish-me thing going on that women are looking for! Looking forward to hearing your further thoughts. Thank you for addressing this book/movie. I know several women that I wouldn’t have guessed openly express interest in the series and I would like to know more why, and why this versus other raunchy stuff.
You are quite welcome! So glad this served you!
I only watched the movie also and I hated it but I think that’s because it was marketed and talked about as an erotic movie and I found it sad and messed up. However, I do love movies about psychological issues and had I known that’s what it really was I may have enjoyed it. I think I will watch it again from that perspective.
Excellent Nicole! From a human dynamics perspective, it is a very interesting film.
I read the books and enjoyed the movie (minus the not great acting) but felt a bit confused by it. I love how you put that feeling into words Stacy!
So glad to serve you Tiffany!
I read the books. All of them. I right away thought, because everyone had falling into the media hype, it was about sex. But as I continued to read, i actually felt bad for Christian. He was like he said 50 shades of f’d up. He was spot on. This man was tormented with his past abuse he experienced to figure out how to make sense of it. Throughout the books all i could see is how he was trying to rewrite his blueprint. With the help of Ana. I have encouraged lots of my friends and family who have read the books or stayed away to really look past all the intense sex scenes, to really see the pain. I wish more people would be able to see this.
Great share Robin!
I was disappointed with the movie but only because I loved the books so much. (I got the first book as a graduation present from one of my friends.) The books tell a much more robust story about a man and a woman coming together to transform their relationship. The right-wing media was shouting to the rooftops about these books being “mommy porn” and degrading to woman, but honestly if they had really read the books they would know what these books are really about.
Thank you for sharing Stephani.
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