There is no GIVING without receiving

I hope this blog post finds you and your family well and recovered from Hurricane Sandy.

What does “Pretty Woman” have to do with Hurricane Sandy? Keep reading…

Paul and I are so grateful that we are all safe and there was no major damage to our home from the storm. We were without power for eight days as a result of Sandy. It was both challenging and rewarding to experience this with our family, neighbors, friends and loved ones.

One thing that became clear…as our friends and loved ones had their power restored, and our family still remained without power, the out pouring of generosity was overwhelming! We received offers of everything from loving and supportive thoughts to offers for our family to come stay in people’s homes…and everything in between!

Maybe it’s like this for you too, but our initial, knee-jerk response to offers like these are to say things like “No thanks, we are really ok… that’s so nice of you, but we are fine, really.”

So let me ask you this, if you offer me help and I say that to you, what happens to the gift of help you are offering me? Do you ever get to give it? How do you feel when I say “No thanks.”

That’s the thing, there is NO giving without the RECEIVING!

What if instead, when you offered help, I said, “Wow, that is so awesome of you, that would be really great and a huge help! Thanks!!”

How would you feel then? What happens to the gift of help that you have offered?
You actually get to GIVE your gift of help…because I allowed you to, by receiving it!

I was actually fortunate to learn this lesson quite some time ago. So, this past week, I was able to catch myself before politely saying, NO, and instead look for opportunities to say YES.

I have given up the habit of denying people the opportunity to experience GIVING! I just would not do that to someone I care about!

So, when someone offered a cup of hot tea, I said “That would be amazing, thank you.”
When someone offered to charge our mobile phones, I said “Wow, you rock – thanks so much!!”
And when my next door neighbor offered up their hot plate so I can make pasta for my kids, I said “I love you guys, you are the best!”

Could we have been “just fine” without the tea, with recharging my phone in my car and giving my kids bread and butter instead of pasta?

Sure, we would have been “just fine”, but our lives, and our friends lives, were all enriched by saying YES, receiving the gift and allowing them to experience GIVING the gift of themselves!

If you love someone, or care about them, then find ways to RECEIVE and allow them to give to you! That doesn’t mean become a “taker” of course, it means, allow them to GIVE. Just like when you are in a position to give appropriately to others, you do!

Now, about your spouse 😉

Are you letting them GIVE to you by graciously RECEIVING what they offer you??? How many times in a day do you brush off the offer of help from your spouse because it’s “not right”, “not needed”, “not the way you wanted it”, “not the way you would do it”, yadda-yadda-yadda??

Most of us do this unconsciously. We are not even aware of the ways that our spouse is attempting to GIVE to us in a day.

If you are a woman and your spouse is a man, this is HUGE for intimacy and passion! One of the biggest ways that a woman can discourage her man is to not RECEIVE. For a lot of men, if they are with a woman that they can’t give to, or a woman that doesn’t need them to PROVIDE anything for her, they eventually give up.

Which brings us to Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Thought I forgot about that, huh?

When Edward opened that box and there was a necklace inside for Vivian that clearly cost more money then she had seen in her lifetime, she did NOT say “Oh no, I could NEVER wear that!”
No, not Vivian, she squealed in delight, and although visibly “uncomfortable” with that level of receiving, she absolutely allowed Edward to put that necklace on her neck. And Edward? You can watch him DELIGHT in seeing her wear his gift, and her radiant smile, all night long! For Edward, HE WON!

Imagine that same scene in your mind, but this time Vivian denies the gift, saying it’s too extravagant and “he shouldn’t have”. How might Edward feel then?

If you are a man and your spouse is a woman, a great way to CHERISH her is to acknowledge all the little ways that she GIVES to you in a day by supporting you. A woman who is cherished for her giving will KEEP giving and giving and giving in delight!

PS: How often do you need to cherish her for her giving guys??? As my friend and mentor Tony Robbins would say “All the BLEEPIN time!” 😉

This week, focus on RECEIVING!!

Catch yourself saying “No thanks”, “You really don’t have to”, “That’s ok, really”
…and start saying
“Wow, that would be great thanks!!” and “You totally rock; that would be a huge help, thanks!”

Notice how you feel and see if it makes a difference in how they feel? Let me know how it turns out!!!

And from Paul, me and the kids, to everyone who offered support and love to us through this storm….THANK YOU, YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!!

As of 3pm today, WE HAVE POWER!!!!!!

Sending LOVE… and LIGHT!!… haha 😉 get it!

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12 thoughts on “There is no GIVING without receiving

  1. Stacey, what an inspiring post, thank you. Yes, I will focus on receiving this week and catch myself before I say I'm fine (especially to my spouse). For example, I was a bit shy to ask for your help the other day when I knew you had no power and it was uncomfortable for you to Skype with me, but I did, and you were right there, serving with a smile. I greatly appreciated this support and it inspired me to pay it forward. When we receive we let abundance flow through us, when we refuse we stop this energy.

  2. Stacey Martino, I really loved this post as it totally related to my situation as well. I started in my neighborhood–some rec'd, others said "no thanks". It was when my kids and I gathered 5 large bags of everything from clothes, blankets, coats and donated them to the local radio station for sandy's kids, that I realized the gift of receiving. It was not that the person on the other end could say "thank you" personally for the gifts, it is that I taught my children the act of giving and they received it 🙂 thanks for posting this. It makes me more conscious of being graceful to receive from others and I love the pretty woman reference :). Glad to hear you are all well, stay warm 🙂

    1. That is awesome Jodi!! Thanks for sharing that beautiful story!!! What an awesome giving experience for you and your kids!!! I love your new commitment to "receiving"!!! Sending love!

  3. Stacey – I loved this post! I grew up with a father who impressed upon us that we should never “put anyone out” or have them make any kind of effort for you. So I am the one who automatically says “No thank you” to everything. But at 18 years old I left home and moved to a country where things are really different culturally. If I am at someone’s house and I refuse their offer for a hot drink I am actually insulting them!!! And you know what? It really is cool to receive as well as give!!!I am taking to heart this post pertaining to our relationships with our spouses as well!

    1. Yehudit, that is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective! I’m sure that will speak to so many people!!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to share! I look forward to hearing more from you soon!! Sending love, Stacey

  4. Stacey, I enjoyed reading your post. I can relate to Yehudit’s post. I have the same engrained thought pattern not to put a burden on anyone. It is a nice shift to see that accepting someone’s offer is receiving their gift and not “putting them out.” Thank you!

    1. Thank you Jen!! I’m so glad that you took that shift away from reading this! It is a very delightful “aha”!
      Just to take it one step further, think about how you feel when you bring your amazing, delicious and healthy food to our home and I beam and glow and thank you up and down for the amazing food you create?
      Now, how different would you feel if you came here and I said, “no thank you, Jen…you really shouldn’t have”. 😉
      Sending love to you!!

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