How to DATE your spouse!

staceyandpaulatPodFirst off, are you dating?

Dating your partner is a MUST! It’s not a “nice to have” like organizing your linen closet.

We do a deep dive on this in Step Seven: S-Flirt, of our Eight Step Relationship Transformation System®.

In my experience, people don’t take their FUN seriously enough! 

I get it – you have TONS of responsibilities, you are juggling tons of balls in the air and you’ve got serious shit to get done! I get it sweetie! AND….you must also bring the fun, flirting and dating back into your relationship!


Because we have a passion-less relationship epidemic going on right now! Good, nice, caring couples living together as parents, friends, maybe even roommates, but the passion has fizzled or is gone completely!

This epidemic is a silent killer of relationships and people don’t see it coming!

Let me give you a heads up….

The difference between a “passion-less” relationship and

a “hanging by a thread” relationship is TIME!

When you lose the passion in your relationship, and you are NOT having intimacy with the only person on the planet you are supposed to be able to have sex with, you can’t even stay best friends with that person. Over time, the lack of passion creates resentment, rejection, pain and a big wound in one or both partners. And you slip from being passion-less/great parents together, to living parallel lives & going through the motions and trying not to bump into each other, to wondering why you are even together anymore because it hurts so much to think about the relationship you DON’T have!

That’s why I say that the difference between a “passion-less” relationship and a “hanging by a thread” relationship is … TIME!

What to do?

Start DATING! NOW!!!!!

In working with thousands of people around the world, many of them parents of young kids, busy with businesses or just plain BUSY….in a long term committed relationship, DATING seems to be the first thing to fly out the window!

As our six year old Gracie would say ….that’s NO-K (not ok!)

So….how do you DATE your partner?? Don’t worry, I got ya covered!

First, there’s a big difference between dating and going out! You can LEAVE the house with your partner and go out, and not be on a DATE! There’s a different energy to DATING….it’s NOT just leaving the house.


I was telling one of our clients the other day, you do not go out on a date in the same clothes that you would wear to take your kids to their soccer game or to the grocery store.

Think back to how you dressed when you were first dating…..and then dress better than that 😉


The energy on a date is playful, fun, flirty and electric! Get yourself into state before your date! Put on some fun music while getting ready, and get back to that fun, flirty and playful YOU!


Here’s the Diamond Rule of Dating: No Kids, No Biz, No House!  You cannot talk about the kids, the business or the house on your date!


“I hear you! What in the hell are we going to talk about” you ask?  Haha! I got ya covered sweetie! Go to and type in “Table Topics for Couples.”

When you are on a date, pull out one of these Table Topic cards and ask the question on the card. It will start a conversation with your partner that is about YOU and YOUR partner, a PERSONAL conversation! It’s a great way to talk about what’s REAL and get you back to having those fun, deep, exciting and interesting conversations you used to have when you were still getting to know each other!

You can look in every one of my MANY MANY purses and you will find 5 or 6 of these blue cards stuffed into the pockets! Order them now, they will be here before your date!

Your assignment….plan a date for you and your partner right now!  Schedule it, plan it, make the reservations, get the sitter, tell them to block their calendar and make it happen! Start taking your FUN way more seriously sweetie!!!!

Post below and tell me what you are planning! SO FUN!

Sending love,


p.s. need more strategies for dating? No sitter? Tough to get away without the kids? Check out our Quick Start Program where we give you more strategies for dating, free babysitters and even free date ideas! We got ya covered! You don’t have to do this alone!

4 thoughts on “How to DATE your spouse!

  1. Stacey,

    Great article. I have been with my hubby for over 30 years now and I can absolutely say date nights have been critical to keeping our connection. And I agree, you have to prepare for it. A. Real. Date. Night!

    We set aside one night a week for us…Wednesdays. From fancy surf-n-turf dinners to watching a moving in bed with gourmet popcorn, each date night includes big belly laughs and meaningful connection.


    1. I LOVE that Carmen!!! And you exude the happiness, energy and beauty of a woman who dates her man!!!!! Thank you for sharing and inspiring!!! Love you!

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