Sometimes you need to speak WITHOUT a filter!

Posted on by Stacey Martino

I know, it’s so funny.

Most relationship experts would remind you to “think” before you speak and filter how you say things to relate to your spouse.

I get that. And there’s a time and a place to learn those skills.
This ain’t one of those times.

There’s a lesson I learned many years ago…I’m not even sure I remember when it happened.
But somewhere along the way, I realized that I should STOP filtering what I say to Paul.

Here’s what I mean.

I noticed that often I was THINKING nice little things.
Then one day, I decided to vocalize it, even though it seemed silly or obvious or maybe even a little vulnerable…I just decided to let it fly and see what happened….
So I said something like “Hey, thanks for refilling the napkins sweetie. I appreciate it.”

And Paul smiled. If I remember correctly, in the beginning, Paul would say things like “yeah, of course.”  And so I kept going….

Letting things fly instead of having them just be “thoughts’ that died with me.

“I like it when you work out with me sweetie”
“You know, you are really tall :)”
“Thanks for filling the water before you left for work sweetie”
“I just love working at my desk and looking up to see you sitting there. It’s so nice to just be near you babe”
“Did you bring this ice cream up from the downstairs freezer babe? I love it”
“You look hot in those jeans”

The response was always good.
Paul smiled a lot, and he grabbed me a lot, and he kissed me a lot.

And you know what?
I felt really good everytime I said those things too.

Even before Paul reacted, I FELT good saying it!
It was a way for me to “highlight” the ordinary, but really positive parts of my life.
It gave me more focus on everything I appreciate in my world.

And of course, most of all, it served Paul… and that’s my job!

So, I decided to make a new rule for myself with Paul.
If I was thinking something, and it was nice, I would let it fly…no filter.

SAY EVERYTHING THAT’S NICE.

That was my new rule.  And what a transformation it caused!!

By now, this is so second nature for me, that I say things to Paul all day long, wherever we are.
It’s funny though, when we are in the presence of others, I forget that this isn’t “common” until I see people’s faces when I say something to Paul.

The other night we went on a movie date.

Of course, after the movie I had to stop into the ladies room. As I was walking out of the ladies room, Paul was standing across the hallway leaning on the wall and looking directly into my eyes as I looked at him.
With a huge smile on my face, as I approached him I said “My god you are even more gorgeous today then you were yesterday babe. How did I get so lucky?!”

I nearly laughed out loud because the guy next to Paul, who clearly could not filter his face, had his jaw on the floor, turned to face me with this huge puzzled look on his face that seemed to say “are you for real?”

Here’s the interesting thing. Years ago, I realized that I never extended my “no filter rule” to the rest of the world. Only Paul and the kids.

So I decided to try it.

Literally, one day I was walking into Whole Foods and saw a woman walking out and said to her “you look beautiful in that dress! You should wear that all the time!!”  Big smile! It was awesome!

So this is how I live now… if it’s nice, I let it fly.

And it comes back to me 10 fold!

So how about you, are you willing to give it a try???

I’ll start…
If you are still reading this right now, I love how you took the time for yourself to read this entire article, I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to share with you and you’re pretty awesome!!

Now you go 😉

Sending love,
Stacey

 

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21 thoughts on “Sometimes you need to speak WITHOUT a filter!”

  1. Stacey, you are so without a filter when it comes to encouragement, kindness, generosity, and just plain fun! Thanks for sharing THIS encouragement as well <3 <3.

  4. Thanks for this great reminder & sharing your awesome news, Stacey – woohoo! Big hugs to you both. I'm loving watching Love&Passion Coach evolve & grow in record time. <3 <3 <3.

  5. I noticed this right away sitting next to you two in February, how many lovely things you said to Paul. You are an inspiring couple! I'm willing to give this a try!

  6. Hitting the nail on the head..I love this..and it does indeed work..with everyone. I love how when we let others know how we really feel about them..wonderful..life reflects it all back.

    2. …and I'd like to add…NOT JUST THE NICE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE SAID….but to create the environment for true sharing and safety…and REALLY TALK about the real issues together…with the goal to get THRU <3 issues by making the issue the thing to tackle, not the person. <3

  7. I love the idea of letting it fly, Stacey! There have been times when I've thought nice things and kept them to myself (with strangers). You are inspiring me to stop filtering the nice stuff as much. Now I know why you are such a huge ball of light wherever you go! <3

  9. Stacey – you always make me smile. You are super lovely and super generous. Keep doing what you’re doing.
    xxxxx

  10. After reading this, I am realizing one of the reasons why my marriage to my Tom has lasted 34 years. We have been through a lot of heartache and challenges, but the one thing that stays consistent is appreciation and thankfulness for one another and taking the extra step to vocalize it. This is a VERY important message Stacey and YOU and PAUL bring it brilliantly!

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