Sometimes people confuse the word SURRENDER for the word SUBMISSION!
Those two words are WORLDS apart! But it might not LOOK that way from the outside looking in.
The difference isn’t in the action, but rather, in how it feels. And that difference is critical!
Last weekend I savored a magnificent date night out with my husband, Paul. I mean, holy Wow!
Paul took me out for a truly hot, deliciously romantic and exciting date! And it was all at the last minute. I love those unexpected surprises!
So, by 5 PM on Saturday, we’d already put in a pretty full day and had no plans yet for the evening, except we had a sitter coming anyway at 6 PM. (There’s a great tip for you, schedule the sitter every Saturday, and don’t cancel, even if you forget to make plans. I promise You’ll figure something out. As you will see we did.)
So, we had no reservations and hadn’t even thought about going out. When Paul asked me what I wanted to do for the night I said “I’d love to do something where ‘I’m NOT a mom’ for a few hours.” My brilliant hubby told me to go change out of my family clothes and get ready to go out!
He scored a last minute reservation at one of our favorite restaurants in Philadelphia. We ate and talked for hours! It was so magnificent.
As a woman who, years ago, struggled to get out of her masculine side, today I completely delight in immersing fully into my feminine energy and surrendering completely to Paul. And as a mom and a business owner all week, it’s like a “spa day” for my brain and nervous system to surrender to Paul when we go out together.
From releasing my expectations and surrendering to his planning of the date, to delighting in him driving our big honkin’ SUV through the city streets of Philly, surrendering to his navigation as he takes my hand and leads me to our table, to everything that followed.
There’s nothing more delicious to me then surrendering to that man.
But “surrendering”, believe it or not, is not a bad word.
The energy around surrendering is my ability to release “driving” and “directing” in the moment and trust and enjoy Paul’s decision making, navigation and leadership for me.
That is a key point; his leadership is always FOR me, meaning, he acts in my best interest.
What is the Difference Between Surrender and Submission?
It can sometimes look the same on the outside, but it feels completely different for the people involved.
Energetically and emotionally, when I surrender to Paul, I’m delighting in something that he is providing FOR me. It’s a gift and I enjoy every second of it. I want it. I love it. It’s delightful not to have to make decisions. It’s a “vacation” for me not to have to plan everything. I felt pampered as he navigates me wherever I need to go. Nothing relaxes me more than being led by my magnificent man.
It’s also very hot and feels oh, so deliciously seductive.
For me, the opportunity to completely LET GO, frees me to replenish and rejuvenate my feminine side.
When I surrender to Paul, his decision making, navigation and leadership is a gift he gives to me.
It’s not him leading me around, forcing me to do what he wants. It’s him understanding what delights me, knowing how to make me deliciously happy, creating that for me, and then leading me through that amazing experience.
Yes, it would be totally self-less of Paul to do that, except that his greatest joy in life is to make me happy and win with me (as it is for all men)!
He receives the love, affection, and sparkle from me that he craves.
How Does This Differ From “Submission”?
Energetically and emotionally, being submissive is not something that a woman (or anyone) wants. In a submissive situation, the man (or leader) forces his decisions, navigation and leadership on others to serve his own best interest, despite it being against the best interest of the woman (or other person).
The act of submitting to someone else is literally the act of submitting to what they want you to do, when you DO NOT want to do it. Both parties do not enter into it willingly or excitedly. And that’s a problem.
The difference, energetically and emotionally, between surrender and submission is huge!
Submission is a big NO! And selfish, immature men who want their women to submit are just pushing their women further into their masculine….because any woman in that situation learns pretty quickly that she now has to protect herself even from her own man! (a horrible feeling)
Submission is NOT surrender.
Surrender is something a woman does when she CHOOSES to receive the gift that her Mature Masculine man gives to her when he selfLESSly leads her for her best interest! To serve her!
The act of surrendering to your man is an exercise in opening up your feminine energy. If you are currently stuck more in your masculine energy, this idea of surrender might feel off-putting or terrifying to you. That’s ok, Sweetie. Many years ago, when I was deeply rooted in my masculine energy, I felt the same way.
If that’s the case for you now, that’s a great indicator that you are living more in your masculine right and this type of surrendering release is exactly what your spirit needs.
In reality, many women come to me for help when they feel stuck in their masculine energy. They deeply desire help returning to their feminine core energy, opening to their man, creating the spark of passion they want and ultimately experiencing this kind of surrender.
Most women understanding that they want this, but they just don’t know how to get it! Perhaps you feel that way, too?
Surrendering is a Great Practice. Yet, It Takes Practice.
Here’s an exercise for you. Take baby steps. Choose to surrender your control for a short window of time or small experience. Perhaps for just 10 minutes, choose to surrender to your man and not control what comes next.
For instance, start by choosing to surrender to your man’s navigation as you take a walk around the block. Something small.
Instead of walking 2 paces in front of him, or taking his hand and pulling him the way you want to go……ask him to take your hand, slow your pace so that you don’t walk ahead of him, and allow him to navigate you!
Take baby steps! And, choose something where your man has a natural leadership ability already, like driving, going for a walk or directing a project.
Although, do know … if you’re stuck more in your masculine energy, then odds are your man (like many men) has naturally taken a back seat to your driving, navigation, decision making and leadership so as not to rock the boat, agitate you or disappoint you.
Take baby steps and give him some space to step back in. This is probably going feel very new for him, too, although it will most likely be a very welcome shift.
I often see women blaming their man, saying that he’s not decisive, he doesn’t lead and he’s not acting in her best interest and that’s why she’s stuck. And perhaps that’s the truth. But it’s important to understand why. That was the case for me years ago with Paul.
But then I took an honest look at myself and recognized two things.
- One, if I’m being the “man”, he can’t be the man.
- Two, I was so controlling, wanting everything a certain way that I grew easily disappointed in him when he did not do things my way.
I denied him any opportunity to truly lead because I wasn’t letting him win with me, I wasn’t releasing control or making it easy for him to make me happy.
When I got clear on how I contributed to that dynamic, I shifted that within myself (instead of waiting for him to change).
And I noticed—every time I shifted, he happily shifted, too!
And now, I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude that Paul is who he is today. His strong masculine presence, his absolute dedication to serving me and his fierce passion to clear a path for me and delight me means, wow, I am a lucky girl! Lucky that we both created this balance years ago and now we enjoy it, every little moment of it, every day of our lives!
Today I happily surrender to Paul in every moment….and his leadership for me is one of the greatest blessings in my life!
It wasn’t always like this! I promise! Many years ago, I was firmly rooted in my masculine energy and Paul (to avoid seeming threatening to me and others) disconnected from his masculine energy and leaned more into his feminine energy.
It’s hard to imagine that today, looking at us together, but it’s absolutely true! But we flip-flopped our energy balance years ago and created a new way. And you can, too.
So, I hope your next date night is as magnificent, romantic, hot and delightful as ours!
18 thoughts on “Why Surrendering To Your Man Makes You BOTH Happier”
Great distinction Stacey between Surrendering and Submission. This makes it easier to let go 🙂
Awesome Irina!!! Thanks for sharing sweetie!!! Love you!!!! Love your new video series!!! YOU ROCK!
Although this seems so scary, to not have control and trust someone else to do it “right”, this concept really rings true to me. Thank you so much for sharing this distinction and the baby step challenge. It’s time to make this happen!
Whooo Hoooo Anna!!! So excited for you! Yes, it is scary to release control. Good for you for acknowledging that! And it takes courage to decide to do it anyway because that’s what’s best for YOU!!!! BRAVO!!! Anna, if it helps boost your courage…remember, some of the best things in life happen when we RELEASE control completely…like an orgasm!…just sayin’ 😉
Wow Stacey… you have such an incredible way of explaining these details. I can easily see myself in your scenarios and action steps on how to perhaps improve! Thank you !!
You are quite welcome Kelly! I’m glad this served you!
This is a fantastic post, Stacey! I’ve discovered that the last 2 years of being a new mom and starting a new business has pulled me into masculine mode. My husband has always had the attitude of “we can do whatever you want dear” and now it is pulling even more into that masculine side. I just want that break from making decisions and getting things done that you talked about. Just make the decision for me and I’ll be happy. 🙂 Being that off balance affects everything! Thanks for addressing this.
You are quite welcome Kelly! I’m glad this served you!
So thrilled you loved this Deb!!! I’m so glad you will have opportunities to apply this! Remember to open to your feminine and in a playful and flirty way tell him what you want and that you will absolutely LOVE whatever experience he creates for you!
I will apply this "secret" formula, that I know it will work. Taking baby steps seems easier. Thank you Stacey for this great article.
Thanks for this post! It’s really helpful to get actual details about what it looks like to be surrendered. It makes it much easier to know what it is.
Also, your distinction between surrender and submission is really helpful, too. I’ve never heard either of these spoken of in quite this way, and it really helped a lot!
I just finished listening to your interview with Sherri Nickols on the Playful, Passionate You summit … Loved it! Love your bright, joyful being!
So thrilled to serve you Pam! That was a super fun video to make for Playful, Passionate You Summit! Thanks for watching sweetie! Let me know how we can serve you sweetie!!!
You are welcome Lisa!!! Keep me posted sweetie! Love yoU!
It’s, like I want to surrender and to be submissive. But I can’t stand when I see unGodly passions in the lead. Silence falls in when the clouds get heavy or the strife tries to sneak in. All I know how or what to do is pray and God is faithful and true to carry us through so far everytime. I trust He always will too.
It wasn’t until I allowed my Man to be the Man in our relationship, that I began to experience “the joy of surrender”. I totally get it! Thanks Stacey!
Awesome Annette!!!!! SOOOO thrilled for you because I know how GOOOOD that feels sweetie!!! Sending love!
This was my journey as well. When we finally had a date night when I was able to totally surrender – WOW! Amazing difference! Besides for having a really positive fun time (even though the movie was BAD), it is so amazing to see really how much my man wants to make me happy, if I only step into my feminine and LET HIM!!
(PS I thought of and implemented your date night tips as well – I surrendered to his plans and navigation, dressed up, and went into it with date night energy. Oh yeah!)
Mwah! Thanks!!!! Huge wonderful changes!
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