Stacey’s Relationship Column from the current issue of Aspire Magazine…
When Linda told me that this issue of Aspire was about creating a life you love…my head nearly popped off my body! Oh, the things we could talk about! Where to begin!
Creating a life you love is the foundation for everything! I passionately believe that your entire life is of your creating. What you love about it and what you hate about it…you created it.
I passionately believe that “Magnificent love affairs are created and not found”. In fact, it’s the foundation of our 8 step relationship transformation system and how we teach people all over the world to create their unshakable love and unleashed passion…because it is absolutely created!
But I’m not going to talk to you about any of that today. NOPE. Buckle up buttercup…because it’s ON!
Paul and I teach our clients a tool that we created called “Brick or Glass™”.
Every time you are faced with an “uncomfortable” thought or feeling in relationship to someone (including your partner), you have an opportunity.
It’s like you have a big cabinet next to you, with six shelves on it. The top three shelves are lined with beautiful velvet bags full of gorgeous multi-colored, glistening, broken glass. The bottom three shelves are lined with old, dusty, heavy bricks.
Every time you are faced with an uncomfortable feeling or thought in relationship to your partner, you have a choice.
Choice #1: Glass. You can avoid the thought or feeling and reach up onto that shelf and pull down a beautiful bag of broken glass and spread it down on the floor of your relationship. When you do this, you are constantly walking on broken glass in your relationship. Your relationship is on shaky ground. There is distance and tension building…and you feel it. You may be confused because you thought you could avoid feel worse by “avoiding” an uncomfortable conversation…but somehow you feel worse.
Choice #2: Brick. Take a deep breath, find your compassion and harness your courage, come from your best and most authentic self and walk right into that conversation with your partner. Reach up onto that shelf and take a big, heavy, ugly brick and lay it down on the foundation of your relationship. It’s not pretty and it’s not comfortable. But when you navigate these “bricks” successfully, you will look down and realize that the relationship you are standing on is built of big sturdy bricks and it cannot be torn down! You will get more and more comfortable in the discomfort of the bricks that you put down in your relationship. And you will look forward to the experience that you come to rely on…that on the other side of every “brick” conversation, you feel closer, more aligned, more understood, more understanding for, and deeper in love with your partner. You are BUILDING the foundation of your unshakable love…. “brick by brick”.
So, since I totally love you and I am a certified brick layer I’m going to lay down a brick in our relationship right here today.
My darling, I know that you are trying to protect yourself from the pain and the hurt that you are scared to feel. I understand that you don’t want to risk things getting worse than they are. I see that you are stuck in the patterns that you have run for decades and not sure how to get yourself out of them. I feel your deepest fear….that you are not enough, that you are not lovable, and you will be abandoned for it.
I feel you. Actually my darling, all women feel you. You are not alone.
If you are living without the love you want in your life, if you are living in a passionless relationship, if you are living in a relationship where you are not a rock solid and indivisible team, if you are living without consistent ravishing and satisfying sex ….you are NOT living a life you love!
And if you are telling yourself …I don’t need that, no one really has that, I don’t deserve that, I didn’t find that, I’m not pretty enough for that, he could never feel that way about me, I’m too busy for that, I’m too tired for that, I’m fine without that, it’s not that bad, I have it better than I thought I would, this is my punishment for the choices I’ve made, there are other things more important than that, I’ll do that later….
You are lying to yourself. (Brick)
“Love is the oxygen of the soul.” – Tony Robbins
If you don’t have the LOVE and PASSION that you want, you are NOT living a life you love…by definition! You are WIRED for love and passion my darling. It’s in your cells. Every baby needs to be loved and touched or they will DIE. It’s part of who we are as humans.
All the crap that you are telling yourself about why you don’t have it, why you can’t have it, why you don’t deserve it….that’s just your ego trying to protect you from the PAIN of getting hurt.
We all have that too.
Do you remember when your kid was trying to walk for the first time? Remember how they used to pull themselves up next to the furniture and hold on as they took steps? Remember how they used to teeter along and then plop down?
The first time they tried to walk and they fell. Did you go over to that baby, look them in the eye and tell them “Walking just isn’t for you sweetie. You’re not going to be a walker. It’s going to hurt each time you struggle and fall. You are a great crawler. Just stick with the crawling because you are really good at that and you won’t get hurt that way.”
Um. hell no!
Well sweetie, it’s the same for you.
I see you. I know. You’ve been hurt and you don’t want to get hurt again.
But sweetheart, you ARE a walker! You are going to “fall down and go boom” a few times along the road as you teeter your way to mastery, but you are a WALKER! You are WIRED for this. You are MADE for this. Just like the baby who is wired for walking….you are WIRED to LOVE and BE LOVED!!!! Masterfully!
Don’t run because you fell and got hurt!
And don’t believe the flat out lie that love doesn’t hurt! Love does hurt! It’s supposed to. If you are not getting bumps and bruises in life then you are playing too small! We are not supposed to go through this life without getting messy, hurt, broken open, and tossed around! Life is meant to be LIVED! And when we go for it, when we stretch ourselves, when we live into the greatness that we are meant to be….there is going to be fear, hurt and pain at times! It’s part of the journey!
And it’s WORTH IT! You are worth it!
So my darling, love yourself as much as I love you! Stop lying to yourself and start CREATING the love and passion that you are WIRED for!
OR, you can reach up on that shelf, pick up a beautiful velvet bag and sprinkle that glass on the foundation of your life.
It’s your choice…. Choose Wisely!
To read Stacey’s column and the amazing articles in this issue of Aspire and every issue, get your free issue here.