EXTRA-EXTRA-Read All About It! The Love and Passion Lady Calls for a Valentine’s Day Do Over!!

Paul and I are calling a Valentine’s Day do-over!  Can you imagine it – the Love & Passion Lady has to call a Valentine’s Day do-over!

Look, you can’t make this stuff up.  Real life happens.

Here’s a sample of what was going on at my house on February 14th this year.  Rewind to the night before, February 13th, Paul is terribly sick with a fever, aches, sneezing, coughing and puking…the whole package.  In between caring for him, I run down and create an awesome Valentine’s Day surprise for our kids on the kitchen table for when they wake up (that’s the picture above).  Then run back upstairs to care for Paul, making sure that our kids stay sleeping and don’t wake up and see the surprise I planned.

Valentine’s Day morning, the kids come down stairs, ecstatic and giddy over the Valentine’s Day gifts and surprises awaiting them!  I get them off to school and go back to caring for Paul in between work, which has been piling up since I’ve been taking care of a sick hubby (and a sick daughter the week before).

In between puking and sleeping Paul tells me how sorry he is that he can’t give me the Valentine’s Day that I deserve.  He asks for a Do-Over after he is feeling well enough to really give it to me the way I deserve it.  I think he meant give me a “Valentine’s Day” I deserve, but now that I hear that again, he could have been referring to something else 😉

So here I am, the Love & Passion Lady, thrilled at the frenzy and excitement of all the couples enrolling in Love and Passion Coach University, getting loads of emails wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day and watching all the messages flood my way commenting on how people can’t even imagine what MY Valentine’s Day must be like.

Yep, I’m sure they could NOT imagine it! 😉

But you know what?  I’ve learned something over the years.

Dates on a calendar, holidays or occasions do NOT make things special.  You CAN celebrate Valentine’s Day on March 9th, you CAN celebrate your BIG anniversary in year eleven instead of year ten and you CAN celebrate your wedding with 150 of your closest friends 4 months before you actually run off to Jamaica and get married in a private ceremony on the beach.

Every day that you have on this planet is a day for you to create! I don’t care what the date is on the calendar, what year birthday it is for you or what the occasion….create the days of your life so they SING for you and your lover…when it works for you!

So, this year everyone else’s Valentine’s Day was on a Thursday in February when my lover happened to be passed out with a fever in between hurling.  That was not MY Valentine’s Day.  That was my “take care of your incredible sick husband, create some love magic for your kids and stay on top of your work” day.

It really does come back to FOCUS. 

It’s just like the metaphor that Paul tells our 9 year old son Jake all the time…There are 3 doors in front of you, two are wide open, but your head is focused on the one door that is shut.  You are so focused on the door that is closed, that you never even walk through the other two that are open to see what they might hold for you.

I made a decision not to focus on it being “Valentine’s Day” on February 14th this year.  We called for a do-over, and then it just became a plain old Thursday for me!

Some people might say “but it WAS Valentine’s Day” “it’s a fact”.  And they would be right! It IS a fact!  Lots of the STORIES that we tell ourselves about why we can’t have what we want are true too.   The question isn’t whether it’s true or not, the question is whether it’s serving you or not.

You can do the same thing I did.  Whatever that day is in your MIND…it can become a plain old Thursday for you too!

So I ask you, what closed door have you been focused on that is not serving you?  What story (true or otherwise) have you been holding onto that does not empower you?  Was there a holiday, a date on the calendar or a special occasion that didn’t meet your expectations and you are carrying a sense of LOSS about it?

Whether it’s something that passed or a future disappointment yet to come, call a do-over, change the meaning for yourself, look at the door that is open…just make it work for you and your loved ones! No matter what the day was “supposed” to be!

As for me, I am excited to anticipate my very special Valentine’s Day which awaits me when Paul is well enough to “give it to me the way I deserve”.  Yeah, now that I hear that in my head again, I definitely think he was talking about the other thing!!!

Sending love to you…on just a plain old Friday!


21 thoughts on “EXTRA-EXTRA-Read All About It! The Love and Passion Lady Calls for a Valentine’s Day Do Over!!

  1. Loved reading this Stacey Martino and you're so right. Our schedules don't always allow for "day of" celebrations. With our store so focused on Valentine's Day and all that was going on with our schedules, Feb 14th came and went without us being able to spend much time together. The one thing that I love about the big "excuses" we have around romance is the cards we give each other. Sometimes Hallmark has a way with words, and I love reading the cards he picks and the deeper meaning behind the words! We're finally getting some time out and away this weekend! Hope your do-over is great!

  2. You’re so right, Stacey. As part of a new “blended” family it was a nightmare to try to schedule our kids/grandkids on the exact birthday or holiday – they had four or so places to be on the same day…not exactly fun. So we just pick a day NEAR the holiday and celebrate then instead – takes the pressure off our wonderful kids and grandkids AND us. <3

  3. So I think the real question here is how can I become one of your children Stacey? Awesome spread you put out there 🙂 Great message…hope Paul is better!

    1. LOL!!! Kris you are too funny! We have all the kids we need over here, thank you! But I’m happy to go nuts at the dollar bins at Target for you any day sweetie!!! LOL!!! Love it! Thanks for posting!

  4. great post stacey. doesnt matter what the date is for anything, you can always celebrate the meaning of something at any time.

  5. Our first valentines in 5 years not trying desperately to make someone else's holiday perfect and you know what we did? Work late, ordered some random "weird" food from tre fratelli to pick up on way home from karate and even forgot to share our cards… We DID however have a fabulously fun and laugh filled date night the Saturday prior with a great love story (silver linings playbook) and dinner at Oishi. Many thanks to my friend Lisa Pflaumer for watching the kids and MAKING us plan ahead to be together and talk and reclaim our time together. Every holiday since May has been better than the one before with the knowledge of how crazy the last 5 years really were…it makes us appreciate the every day and not make a big deal of the one day. What a great story confirming that belief. love you Stacey! Hoping you and Paul really get what you deserve, and soon!

    1. Awesome story Dawn! Thanks so much for sharing this. I love how real it is, how much appreciation you have and how you are able to take pleasure and joy in what you have and when you have it! Love you Dawn! Maybe we can do a date night at Oishi together one night?!

  6. I truly think a solid relationship is based on daily Vdays. Even if it’s leaving an ILoveU! In the fridge on his favorite green tea! :.)

  7. I have a question Stacey. Why do couples fight? Not argue, but those nasty, wouldn’t-treat-a-friend-this-way, bitter, make me lose my appetite fights? Where you con’t recover from it for hours, even days. Is it just to have make-up sex, or something deeper? Thanks Coach.

    1. Thanks for this question Mark. As you might expect there can be hundreds of reasons. But I will share a few thoughts with you about this that are critical.
      First, when couples are really fighting, there is something great about that to be optimistic about. I know, it sounds crazy and a lot of “professionals” would out right disagree with me on this, but I’m making a big claim. Here’s why. When I experience couples who really fight…there is still passion there. Said differently, there is still “energy” there. They are still willing to give their “energy” to the relationship. This gives me optimism. With the right tools, strategies and coaching, a fighting couple can be transformed into a wildly passionate loving couple.
      The opposite is much worse, Mark. When I meet a couple and there is NO fighting anymore, when one or both spouses have disengaged, when I hear things like “I don’t have the energy to do this anymore”…that is super dangerous. Do you see what I mean?
      Two, why do we treat our spouse or lover worse than a friend? There is NO other relationship in life that has as much risk for pain and hurt as the intimate relationship. Therefore, when it comes to our intimate relationships, without better skills, people will lash out bigger than in other relationships. In a very general sense, the risk for pain is big and so is the defense to protect against it. Make sense?
      Three, when it comes to fighting the BEST resource that I can introduce you to is Dr John Gottman (www.Gottman.com). Dr Gottman has studied couples and fighting in a scientific way and his research is incredible. Dr Gottman teaches about the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse of fighting…the four signals that the kind of fighting that you are engaging in will end your relationship…and how to get out of it! Paul and I teach this to our clients in our Relationship Transformation program. If this interests you, I highly recommend Gottman’s book The 7 Principals for Making Marriage Work. It’s highly technical, but if you can get through it – the content is fantastic.
      Thanks for asking the question Mark!!! Love you!

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