What Cindy Crawford Can Teach Us About Marriage That Oprah Didn’t Intend Her To!

20130310-master-class-cindy-crawford-2-949x534Cindy Crawford is going to be on OWN this weekend on Oprah’s Master Class teaching what she has learned from being married to her husband Rande Gerber for 15 years.

In the clip today on Oprah.com Cindy talks about how being friends with Rande first, gave them a BASE for their relationship that they won’t drop below. It’s the best foundation for their marriage, Cindy says.

Of course, I agree. Not everyone gets to have that, but friendship is an awesome foundation for long term intimate relationships.  Just ask Paul who was my best friend for three years before we ever dated!

Now, having such a strong friendship creates its own unique challenges for intimacy and passion, but I’ll talk about that another day.

What I really want to illuminate is a lesson that Cindy teaches us in this clip that neither she NOR Oprah probably intended or probably even realize.

And let me just say up front that I love Cindy and I love Oprah. Ok, are we good? Great, let’s tear this apart and see a dynamic that is going on that neither of these two great women are probably aware of.

Here is Cindy’s quote from the clip:

“I have meltdowns at home. I don’t do that at work, because it’s not professional, it’s not appropriate.”
“We all have those days, at home, where you don’t have to have on your game face… as much”

That line, stopped me in my tracks. So let’s dig in.

For most of the female populate, this quote should resonate with you? Yes? Most ladies feel that they can’t have a “meltdown” at work. I’ll get to that in a minute. But how about the next part?

Game Face…which by definition, is not your REAL face.

It’s interesting that someone who is so famous for her beautiful face feels the need to cover it up at work…and at home.

In my experience, most women yearn for the space in their lives where they can be loved and cherished for being completely themselves. Where, having a “meltdown”, dropping the “game face”, all of that, is ok and SAFE. A space where we can be authentically who we are and NOT get hurt.

It’s like a flower.

We want to be able to completely OPEN as a flower. To be our most authentic selves, put down our weapons that we use to protect ourselves, without the threat that someone is going to take a jab at us when the flower is open, right?

That brings me to Cindy’s game face. Do you have a game face? What does that mean to you?

My hallucination is that Cindy’s game face is when she uses her masculine tool set to protect herself from getting hurt, to keep her meltdown’s at bay and present a “professional” persona.

Just from watching this video I can tell you that she has this masculine/professional persona nailed down. It is HIGHLY developed in her. Maybe you can see it too?

The key give away from Cindy is when she says “as much”.

What does that tell us?  It says that, for Cindy, even at home, with her best friend husband, she still feels the need to have her game face on some of the time.

There are times, in her relationship, when she still feels it would not be acceptable to be fully herself, or to meltdown or fully express every part of her, and still be loved.

This is not just Cindy, this is most people, and especially most women. We’ve been conditioned over time.  We’ve been repeatedly asked to toughen up, keep it together and leave the emotional stuff out of it.

As women, we have become VERY adept at using our masculine skill set. We know how to do the “professional” thing really well, don’t we?

We know how to control our emotions with others, focus on the outcome, breakthrough challenges and get stuff done.

What is the long term impact of this?

The thing is, that over time, we get too far from our feminine core and this ends up exhausting us and leading to a lot of unhappiness.

Who wants to constantly try to be something else out of fear that the real us won’t be accepted? No one.

And the worst part, we think we are so great at this, but we’re not. And ultimately, it’s damaging us and our relationships.

See, femininity is about vulnerability, feeling everything, opening to yourself and other people and softening.

From this space, women tap into a feminine power that is unmatched. When a woman who is truly in her feminine interacts with a masculine man, he is powerless against that energy.

Women who reach for their “masculine” in order to accomplish what they need to, are actually dismissing their greatest source of power, strength and delight…their femininity!

But many women are afraid to drop their game face, their protection, their shield.  I was too.  Until I heard something that shifted me in a profound way and opened my eyes to see that my shield wasn’t really effective…I was fooling myself.

One of the greatest breakthrough lessons that I learned from Sage Robbins was this: A woman, being in her masculine, cannot compete with a man who is actually masculine. We can’t ‘win’ when we are pretending to be masculine, but they are authentically masculine.

Thus, if women really want to feel their power, at home, at work and in life, being truly rooted in your feminine, is the source of our power.

No masculine mask, no game face, not at work, not at home. Being authentically YOU, means being your feminine core.

When you re-align with your feminine core, you will feel replenished, rejuvenated, alive, peaceful and whole…all at once!

It’s so amazing how something that is so far off our radar is such a game changer.

And ladies, please take note, even the most beautiful women in the world cover themselves up (game face mask) for fear of not being loved for who they really are.  

It has nothing to do with what we look like.

So, did Cindy and Oprah intend to give us a wonderful lesson and example in women and femininity?

I’m pretty confident they did not. But would they both be delighted to know that their content gave us the opportunity to learn and make a shift for ourselves? I’m confident they would!

Be sure to watch Cindy’s episode on Oprah’s Master Class (one of my favorite shows on earth) this Sunday March 10 on OWN (the best network on television!)  I’ll be watching!!

I’m sure you’re all going to have lots to say about this article, so please, post your comments below!

Sending love,

P.S. what Cindy refers to as her “meltdown” we teach at RelationshipDevelopment.org as Relationship Storms.

Having storms is an essential physiological part of being a woman. At RelationshipDevelopment.org, we teach women how to understand what this is so they can storm effectively.  And more importantly, we teach the men in their lives on how not  just to survive the storm, but to appreciate it, shorten it, lessen the intensity and delight in the crisp, clean, freshness that comes in the calm after the storm!

Cindy, call me anytime, I think you would find it fun!!!

P.P.S  Cindy’s clip on Oprah.com:



18 thoughts on “What Cindy Crawford Can Teach Us About Marriage That Oprah Didn’t Intend Her To!

  1. Love this Stacey – thank you. The sage quote is powerful and really resonated with me. SO often we are competing with men in the masculine game, thinking we can do it all and lose touch with the beautiful femininity that we have that is such a gift. Thank you for reminding me to soften up and play!

  2. Love that you caught this and used it for a teaching moment! I found in my corporate life that the feminine side was not welcomed and many looked down on you if you couldn't "control" that side of yourself. I learned to keep it at bay to the detriment of my mental health. Sweet Escape has allowed my feminine side to flourish! It is also great for women to see a more vulnerable side to a iconic model like Cindy Crawford. Great job!

  3. Great article, Stacey!
    You have focused on a great topic and you don’t even need to create a video for it. Oprah did it for you!

    1. thank you Rachel for pointing this out, a really important message for all of us women who feel unacceptable being a "woman".

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