When is it the right time to leave?

People often ask me, “Aren’t there just some relationships that can’t be rescued Stacey?”

NOPE. Every relationship can be rescued. The marriage may not last long term, but the relationship can always be rescued!

The truth is, not every marriage (or committed intimate relationship) is meant to last forever!  You and I both know people who have entered into committed relationship or marriages for the wrong reasons, and we also both know people that thought they were getting into a relationship for all the right reasons, but it turned out that the two partners just didn’t have long term alignment with each other.

While not every marriage or committed relationship is meant to be forever, when there are children involved, that relationship IS forever. You will co-parent together for the rest of your lives. And once you are divorced, that relationship will likely only get more difficult.

Ask anyone who is co-parenting with an ex-spouse and they will tell you it is exceedingly more difficult to co-parent post-divorce. You have lost the bulk of your leverage (keeping the peace in the home). And, of course, there’s the resentment and spite that can take over and run the show.

So, how do you know if the marriage or committed relationship is not meant to last? When is the proverbial “right time” to leave?

Many people believe that there is no way to KNOW for sure, but I disagree.

People come to me nearly every day asking me if their relationship can be rescued or is it time to leave.

Here’s what I tell them…every single one of them.

I cannot tell you if your marriage can be rescued right now, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are not yet in a position to confidently know with certainty whether or not your relationship has long term alignment and can last long term.

How do I know?

We do alignment discoveries with our private coaching clients as part of our Relationship Rescue process. The outcome of our Relationship Rescue process is to rescue the “relationship,” not necessarily the marriage.  To get the relationship to a peaceful place of heartfelt understanding and compassion.  Only from that place, can you do an accurate alignment discovery.  I know it sounds very objective and strategic… it is.

But most people who are asking the question “when is it just time for me to leave?” are not in a peaceful space of compassion and heartfelt understanding. And that is why I can confidently say, “I don’t know if your marriage or committed relationship is aligned to last long term, but I do know you are not in a position to make that decision right now.” Because most people ask that question when they are deeply in pain, resentment, frustration, anger or some variation of those.

How do you get to a space of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding? 

It’s not going to happen accidentally and it’s not going to interrupt your day. You have to create it.

It’s not easy, but neither is living in a painful intimate relationship.

In our Relationship Rescue process, we take our clients through the first 5 steps of the 8 step Relationship Transformation System™. Once this step-by-step process is integrated into your life and relationship, your relationship can transition to a place of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding.

From there, you can confidently do an alignment discovery to see if your “natures” are in alignment for long term success.

If your natures are in alignment, then like most people, you didn’t have the tools and strategies to successfully navigate the damage and challenges of the past.  Now, empowered with the tools and strategies that work, you can create the committed relationship that you want with your partner.

If your natures are not in alignment, it will be very clear, and then you can elegantly transition out of your committed relationship with compassion and heartfelt understanding for each other. And you can move on to happily co-parent together as you attract and keep your forever love relationship.

Many people will ask me how to do an alignment discovery before going through the process of rescuing the relationship. Perhaps you were thinking the same thing? Maybe you just want to get to the “I want to know if it’s even worth making an effort for?”

Unfortunately sweetie, it doesn’t work that way. Because when you are coming from a place of pain, anger and resentment, your relationship is going to appear as “out of alignment” on a ton of things. And the majority of them have nothing to do with your “nature” being out of alignment, it’s just that you are PISSED at your partner and are protecting yourself, so you are at opposing sides from them on practically everything.

Is that fair to say?

So, the answer is, if you want to HEAL yourself and your relationship so you can co-parent in a way that honors your kids and allows you to enjoy the life you have ahead of you, then do the work NOW, before you end your relationship.

You so deserve it. Ask anyone who is divorced and has a difficult co-parenting relationship with an ex-spouse.  They will tell you that if they knew it was possible to do this kind of work before the divorce, and have a more peaceful and co-operative co-parenting arrangement post-divorce, they would have done the work!

It’s never too late and there’s nothing that can’t be healed. Even if the marriage isn’t meant to last.

If your relationship is currently in a “Relationship Rescue” situation, or you know someone who is, I highly suggest that you download our audio program (click here) and learn the first five steps to the Relationship Transformation System™.

If you would like to find out more about our Relationship Rescue Private coaching, to get the support, expert guidance and love that you need and deserve as you navigate this difficult time in your life, please reach out to us ([email protected]) and let’s see if we can help!

Sending love,

Stacey