Maybe I’m Amazed

Posted on by Stacey Martino

20121024-paul-mccartney-624x420-1351095830“Baby I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time.  Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you”

– Paul McCartney

This song runs through my head all the time.

When I was a kid, this is one of those songs that I would hear and laugh to myself “artists, they are so weak…how stupid to let yourself feel that way about anybody!”

Fast forward to today.

I’m 41 years old. And I know with certainty that people think I am certifiably crazy when I say, with tears in my eyes, “I feel lucky just to be able to be this close in proximity to Paul Martino on a daily basis, let alone be the person he loves most in the world….that’s just too big to even comprehend…it’s mind blowing actually…and I still find it hard to grasp every day”

What changed?

Young Stacey had a total breakdown when Paul tried to break up with her. As she sat there crying, saying to herself “what are you crying for? why do you even care?” she finally came face to face with a startling truth.

You can’t actually protect yourself from getting hurt by telling yourself you really don’t care and putting up walls.

It’s an illusion. You actually can’t protect yourself from the pain.

You can try to protect yourself from the SHAME. But you cannot protect yourself from the PAIN.

This was a terrible discovery and came at a really unfortunate moment for young Stacey, who sat there hysterical, surprised at her tears and sobs and PISSED to no end that all her “ice princess-ing” didn’t protect her from crap!

With nothing to lose, she looked at Paul and literally begged. She told him that what she is about to say is going to sound completely crazy, especially since he’s known her for 4 years.

She told him that she’s realized that she has feeling for him that she didn’t even know she had. She told him she had been playing half-assed trying to protect herself from this very moment, but guess what…it didn’t work.

Then Stacey, in the most vulnerable and raw moment of her life, said to Paul – If you are going to leave me, at least leave the real me. Please, give me a chance to show you who I really am, to play full-assed! And then if you truly don’t want this, I will let you go with love.

That conversation took 14 hours to have that night and Paul and I cried through the whole thing.

So, when I hear Sir Paul (ironic) sing those lyrics today. I am SO amazed at the way Paul loves me all the time. I’m grateful EVERY day for the people we are today.

Am I afraid of the way I need him?

I would say that I was definitely terrified that night, and for MANY years after that too. Simply terrified to NEED any other human being that much.

But that didn’t stop me from telling Paul every single day that I need him. That he is my air. And that everything in my world begins and ends with him!

It’s only in the last few years that my “fear” of how much I need Paul has settled into a PEACE. And I can honestly say that my faith is what has brought me peace.

And now, my NEED for Paul, is one of the greatest feelings I have inside. It’s what brought me to tears after I wrote about that night a few paragraphs up. And it’s what propelled me to stand up, walk over to Paul’s desk and cry into his chest for 5 minutes, overwhelmed by my love for him.

Needing someone, loving someone to that depth, tapping into a level of vulnerability that brings up FEAR….that’s fully living!

Young Stacey, the “ice princess”, was standing on the outskirts of living. Watching Paul McCartney and thinking him a fool for such weak vulnerability.

Stacey today (notice I did not say OLD Stacey, and I’m not gonna) knows the truth. Sir Paul, my Paul and I are the strong ones. The ones who are willing to love to the depths of being terrified, to need someone to the level that they are like air to you…that takes a level of strength that I can’t describe to you.

Words have not yet been invented for the kind of strength that it takes to love that way.

So, if you love, but not to the level that SHAKES you to your core, you are standing on the outskirts. Listen to Sir Paul, he knows…she was the ONLY one who can really help him….he was right!

Live in AMAZEMENT…it’s the most beautiful, exciting, invigorating, life imaginable!!!!!

Sending love to you,

Stacey (the nice princess)

P.S. Lyrics to Maybe I’m Amazed, written by Paul McCartney:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/paul+mccartney/maybe+im+amazed_20105563.html

 

 

 

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26 thoughts on “Maybe I’m Amazed”

    2. We should have a conversation about my begging story, what I learned and what transpired. It is a postscript to the question I asked the other day on the phone.

  2. Simply beautiful! And inspiring that perhaps we can all feel that way about another human being!

    Thanks for sharing your deep love Stacey and Paul!

    1. Thank you so much Donna!! We really appreciate your kind words and support! Everyone CAN feel that way about another human being…but not everyone WILL! In life, it’s never about what we CAN do, it’s about what we WILL DO!!! Psst, Donna, YOU WILL!

  3. Thanks so much for sharing such a vulnerable moment! Amazing story, and such a great lesson! We’re all on the same path…

  4. YOU amaze me, Mrs. Martino. This is a brave and wonderful post. It actually helped me with an issue with my son today, too. Being vulnerable made all the difference. Much love to you & Paul.

  5. Stacey, I love how much you share of who you really are in this one. I've got a big ass hug for you, lady!

  6. My dear friend Stacey – this post most definitely struck a nerve for me with where I am in my personal life right now – thank you SO much for sharing so openly and honestly. MWAH!!! xoxo

    1. Dearest Beth, I’m so grateful that this served you! Thanks for taking the time to share this comment with me! I really appreciate it!! MWAH to you sweetie!

  7. Stacey I am amazed at how you have become such a role model for me and the idea of a relationship. I want what you have, and yes even the breakthrough, that was the clincher for me. Love your vulnerable you, Love your in love with Paul you….What a beautiful couple you both make to our world….<3 Love and Hugs.

    1. Thank you so much Deb! It really means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to comment, and for speaking so freely from the heart! Love you back! Stacey

  9. Hi Stacey…
    You put so beautifully how I felt (how afraid I was) of my feelings towards my new husband. I went berserk but learned pretty quickly I needed to change or I’d lose the most amazing partner, lover and friend. Thank you for this pride and joy and bubbly feeling after reading your post. It rekindles my love and commitment for him. More power to you and your Paul.
    Love, love and more love,

    1. Hi Tess, thank you so much for sharing your story!! I’m so thrilled that my writing brought about such an incredible feeling for you and rekindled your love and commitment for your amazing man!! I’d love to chat with you sometime and hear more about your amazing journey and story together! Sending love, Stacey

  10. Dearest Stacey, At the Tony Robbins event I wrote one of my limiting beliefs as: "The World is a tough place and I need to be tougher". Wow You always give me what I need to hear. Changing everyday Love you and Paul

  12. Ana, your strength shines through in unmistakable ways! And when your feminine vulnerability comes through….you captivate and command everyone's attention and support! Love you so much!

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