What does a mountain have to do with LOVE? 🙂 Everything!
In 2012 Neil Gaiman gave a fantastic commencement address to the University of Arts in Philadelphia. In his address, Neil described a decision making process that I now use all the time. I also teach it to my private coaching clients, with great success.
Neil described that at times where there was a decision to be made, he would envision his ultimate goal, where he wanted to be, what he wanted most to achieve, as a mountain, far off in the distance.
As each opportunity, decision or choice came his way he would ask himself, does this take me closer to or farther away from my mountain. If saying YES to the opportunity would take him closer to his mountain, he would say YES. If saying yes would actually take him farther away from his mountain, he would say no. Regardless of how much money, publicity or significance would be gained by the opportunity.
To me, this is a brilliant strategy that is simple to apply.
So how does this relate to love and relationships?
A lovely woman came to me with a challenge recently.
She said “Stacey, my man has been offered an opportunity that would allow him to work closer to home and work less. I would really love it if he took this opportunity, but I don’t want to push him or tell him what to do. What do I do??”
A wise woman, who loves her man, indeed! My recommendation to her was two fold.
First, as a woman, the best approach is always vulnerability and authenticity. Tell him that of course you desire for him to be with you more, who wouldn’t want that! But, ONLY if it will serve HIM!
Second, teach him about the mountain. Ask him to make his decision based on whether or not it is taking him closer to HIS mountain because that is what you want for him!!
And most of all, remember to tell him that your LOVE for him and your HAPPINESS are NOT tied to his decision!
This conveys your love and passion for him AND your desire for him to experience everything he wants in life! It sets him free to make the best decision for himself, knowing that your love and happiness are immovable and not altered by his decision!
It takes courage and vulnerability to LOVE at this level. But in the end, it’s a very simple approach!
Don’t take my word for it…let’s hear from you…
If your man, or your woman, supported you in getting to your ultimate goal, while declaring that their love for you was immovable and their happiness was not tied to your decisions along the way…how would that make you feel???