Sometimes Speak from the Heart WITHOUT a Filter

Sometimes Speak Without a Filter

Stop Filtering

I know, it’s so funny.

Most relationship experts would remind you to “think” before you speak and filter how you say things to relate to your spouse.

I get that. And there’s a time and a place to learn those skills.
This ain’t one of those times.

There’s a lesson I learned many years ago…I’m not even sure I remember when it happened.
But somewhere along the way, I realized that I should STOP filtering what I say to Paul.

Here’s what I mean.

I noticed that often I was THINKING nice little things.
Then one day, I decided to vocalize it, even though it seemed silly or obvious or maybe even a little vulnerable…I just decided to let it fly and see what happened….
So I said something like “Hey, thanks for refilling the napkins sweetie. I appreciate it.”

And Paul smiled. If I remember correctly, in the beginning, Paul would say things like “yeah, of course.”  And so I kept going….

Letting things fly instead of having them just be “thoughts’ that died with me.

“I like it when you work out with me sweetie”
“You know, you are really tall :)”
“Thanks for filling the water before you left for work sweetie”
“I just love working at my desk and looking up to see you sitting there. It’s so nice to just be near you babe”
“Did you bring this ice cream up from the downstairs freezer babe? I love it”
“You look hot in those jeans”

The response was always good.
Paul smiled a lot, and he grabbed me a lot, and he kissed me a lot.

And you know what?
I felt really good everytime I said those things too.

Even before Paul reacted, I FELT good saying it!
It was a way for me to “highlight” the ordinary, but really positive parts of my life.
It gave me more focus on everything I appreciate in my world.

And of course, most of all, it served Paul… and that’s my job!

So, I decided to make a new rule for myself with Paul.
If I was thinking something, and it was nice, I would let it fly…no filter.

Sometimes Speak from the Heart Without a Filter


That was my new rule.  And what a transformation it caused!!

By now, this is so second nature for me, that I say things to Paul all day long, wherever we are.
It’s funny though, when we are in the presence of others, I forget that this isn’t “common” until I see people’s faces when I say something to Paul.

The other night we went on a movie date.

Of course, after the movie I had to stop into the ladies room. As I was walking out of the ladies room, Paul was standing across the hallway leaning on the wall and looking directly into my eyes as I looked at him.
With a huge smile on my face, as I approached him I said “My god you are even more gorgeous today then you were yesterday babe. How did I get so lucky?!”

I nearly laughed out loud because the guy next to Paul, who clearly could not filter his face, had his jaw on the floor, turned to face me with this huge puzzled look on his face that seemed to say “are you for real?”

Here’s the interesting thing. Years ago, I realized that I never extended my “no filter rule” to the rest of the world. Only Paul and the kids.

So I decided to try it.

Literally, one day I was walking into Whole Foods and saw a woman walking out and said to her “you look beautiful in that dress! You should wear that all the time!!”  Big smile! It was awesome!

So this is how I live now… if it’s nice, I let it fly.

And it comes back to me 10 fold!

So how about you, are you willing to give it a try???

I’ll start…
If you are still reading this right now, I love how you took the time for yourself to read this entire article, I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to share with you and you’re pretty awesome!!

Now you go ?

Sending love,

12 thoughts on “Sometimes Speak from the Heart WITHOUT a Filter

  1. Love this Stacey! I just realized, thar I love doing this too, unintentionally and so I never had a name for it,,,until now! 😀 I love to compliment people or ask them how they are even if they are complete strangers, Ironically, I do this way more w/my friends and even strangers and the kids, than with the person I love most in this World, my husband, I want to. but I somehow seem to fear his reaction; that maybe he won’t think I’m “for real” :), or respond in some negative way to me. But lately, I’ve been trying to overcome that and just say what I’m feeling and thinking when it’s positive, it can’t hurt, Plus, I’ve realized, that if I had always done this, we probably never would hav e had the issues we are dealing with now, as he would have always known how much I adore and appreciate him! Thank you for yet another illumination. xoxo Luci

  2. Justmiluj, I do this to strangers too, all the time and some people think it’s crazy!
    So if your happy for no reason all the time, you’re a weirdo.
    Stacey, this was so supportive!
    So had started to believe that maybe I need to be quiet and not excessively talk to people or give a nice comment because others would be like the guy in your story at the movie theater, just jaw dropped or laughing.
    And so, I started to feel dumb for doing that and I would be in pain because I want to hold back and not be “so nice”.
    So speaking out for the heart ‘unfiltered’ is a great way to view this!
    Thanks for this, it really spoke to my heart and kinda gave me permission to live openly and be ‘weird and happy for no reason’!
    So, now my turn:
    Stacey Martino,
    You are so bright and I love YOU.
    I love how you talk, I love how you explain and break things down.
    I love how you grow. I love how you help others everyday and
    You inspire me!
    You’re a great listener.
    You’re beautiful inside and out.
    It feels ‘HAPPY’ to be in your air.
    You have transformed my life.
    I’m so privileged and grateful to know such a person as you.

    1. Renee
      I love that you are “weird and happy for no reason”. This comment made a big happy smile here Australia 6 months later! Thanks.

  3. Love all your posts Stacey!!! Love them love them love them!! I’m learning sooo much everyday and yes, my world is transforming before my eyes!! Thank you!! Xxx

  4. Stacy, I love how you let it fly in your writing! I was just thinking, “Stacy is a really good writer” as I finished one article (that I had flagged) and moved on to this one. And now you give me the opportunity to let it fly in written word! Thanks.
    I do this with my husband and around the kids, but I do keep it in in public and with strangers. I’m totally gonna start doing that!

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