The Difference Between Submission and Surrender!

stacey and paul at PodSometimes people confuse the word SURRENDER for the word SUBMISSION!

Those two words are WORLDS apart! But it might not LOOK that way from the outside looking in.

The difference isn’t in the action, but rather, in how it feels. And that difference is critical!

Last weekend I savored a magnificent date night out with my husband, Paul. I mean, holy Wow!

Paul took me out for a truly hot, deliciously romantic and exciting date! And it was all at the last minute. I love those unexpected surprises!

We spent Saturday enjoying family fun time. There were birthday parties at bouncy houses, laser tag, dancing to the Frozen soundtrack and chalk on the driveway. Oh so glamorous, right?

So, by 5 PM on Saturday, we’d already put in a pretty full day and had no plans yet for the evening, except we had a sitter coming anyway at 6 PM. (There’s a great tip for you, schedule the sitter every Saturday, and don’t cancel, even if you forget to make plans. I promise You’ll figure something out. As you will see we did.)

So, we had no reservations and hadn’t even thought about going out. When Paul asked me what I wanted to do for the night I said “I’d love to do something where ‘I’m NOT a mom’ for a few hours.”  My brilliant hubby told me to go change out of my family clothes and get ready to go out!

He scored a last minute reservation at one of our favorite restaurants in Philadelphia. We ate and talked for hours! It was so magnificent.

As a woman who, years ago, struggled to get out of her masculine side, today I completely delight in immersing fully into my feminine energy and surrendering completely to Paul. And as a mom and a business owner all week, it’s like a “spa day” for my brain and nervous system to surrender to Paul when we go out together.

From releasing my expectations and surrendering to his planning of the date, to delighting in him driving our big honkin’ SUV through the city streets of Philly, surrendering to his navigation as he takes my hand and leads me to our table, to everything that followed.

There’s nothing more delicious to me then surrendering to that man.

But “surrendering”, believe it or not, is not a bad word.

The energy around surrendering is my ability to release “driving” and “directing” in the moment and trust and enjoy Paul’s decision making, navigation and leadership for me.

That is a key point; his leadership is always FOR me, meaning, he acts in my best interest.

What is the Difference Between Surrender and Submission?

It can sometimes look the same on the outside, but it feels completely different for the people involved.

Energetically and emotionally, when I surrender to Paul, I’m delighting in something that he is providing FOR me. It’s a gift and I enjoy every second of it. I want it. I love it. It’s delightful not to have to make decisions. It’s a “vacation” for me not to have to plan everything. I felt pampered as he navigates me wherever I need to go. Nothing relaxes me more than being led by my magnificent man.

It’s also very hot and feels oh, so deliciously seductive.

For me, the opportunity to completely LET GO, frees me to replenish and rejuvenate my feminine side.

When I surrender to Paul, his decision making, navigation and leadership is a gift he gives to me.

It’s not him leading me around, forcing me to do what he wants. It’s him understanding what delights me, knowing how to make me deliciously happy, creating that for me, and then leading me through that amazing experience.

Yes, it would be totally self-less of Paul to do that, except that his greatest joy in life is to make me happy and win with me (as it is for all men)!

He receives the love, affection, and sparkle from me that he craves.

How Does This Differ From “Submission”?

Energetically and emotionally, being submissive is not something that a woman (or anyone) wants. In a submissive situation, the man (or leader) forces his decisions, navigation and leadership on others to serve his own best interest, despite it being against the best interest of the woman (or other person).

The act of submitting to someone else is literally the act of submitting to what they want you to do, when you DO NOT want to do it. Both parties do not enter into it willingly or excitedly. And that’s a problem.

The difference, energetically and emotionally, between surrender and submission is huge!

Submission is a big NO! And selfish, immature men who want their women to submit are just pushing their women further into their masculine….because any woman in that situation learns pretty quickly that she now has to protect herself even from her own man! (a horrible feeling)

Submission is NOT surrender.
Surrender is something a woman does when she CHOOSES to receive the gift that her Mature Masculine man gives to her when he selfLESSly leads her for her best interest! To serve her!

The act of surrendering to your man is an exercise in opening up your feminine energy. If you are currently stuck more in your masculine energy, this idea of surrender might feel off-putting or terrifying to you. That’s ok, Sweetie. Many years ago, when I was deeply rooted in my masculine energy, I felt the same way.

If that’s the case for you now, that’s a great indicator that you are living more in your masculine right and this type of surrendering release is exactly what your spirit needs.

In reality, many women come to me for help when they feel stuck in their masculine energy. They deeply desire help returning to their feminine core energy, opening to their man, creating the spark of passion they want and ultimately experiencing this kind of surrender.

Most women understanding that they want this, but they just don’t know how to get it! Perhaps you feel that way, too?

Surrendering is a Great Practice. Yet, It Takes Practice.

Here’s an exercise for you. Take baby steps. Choose to surrender your control for a short window of time or small experience. Perhaps for just 10 minutes, choose to surrender to your man and not control what comes next.

For instance, start by choosing to surrender to your man’s navigation as you take a walk around the block. Something small.

Instead of walking 2 paces in front of him, or taking his hand and pulling him the way you want to go……ask him to take your hand, slow your pace so that you don’t walk ahead of him, and allow him to navigate you!

Take baby steps! And, choose something where your man has a natural leadership ability already, like driving, going for a walk or directing a project.

Although, do know … if you’re stuck more in your masculine energy, then odds are your man (like many men) has naturally taken a back seat to your driving, navigation, decision making and leadership so as not to rock the boat, agitate you or disappoint you.

Take baby steps and give him some space to step back in. This is probably going feel very new for him, too, although it will most likely be a very welcome shift.

I often see women blaming their man, saying that he’s not decisive, he doesn’t lead and he’s not acting in her best interest and that’s why she’s stuck. And perhaps that’s the truth. But it’s important to understand why. That was the case for me years ago with Paul.

But then I took an honest look at myself and recognized two things.

  • One, if I’m being the “man”, he can’t be the man.
  • Two, I was so controlling, wanting everything a certain way that I grew easily disappointed in him when he did not do things my way.

I denied him any opportunity to truly lead because I wasn’t letting him win with me, I wasn’t releasing control or making it easy for him to make me happy.

When I got clear on how I contributed to that dynamic, I shifted that within myself (instead of waiting for him to change).

And I noticed—every time I shifted, he happily shifted, too!

And now, I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude that Paul is who he is today. His strong masculine presence, his absolute dedication to serving me and his fierce passion to clear a path for me and delight me means, wow, I am a lucky girl! Lucky that we both created this balance years ago and now we enjoy it, every little moment of it, every day of our lives!

Today I happily surrender to Paul in every moment….and his leadership for me is one of the greatest blessings in my life!

It wasn’t always like this! I promise! Many years ago, I was firmly rooted in my masculine energy and Paul (to avoid seeming threatening to me and others) disconnected from his masculine energy and leaned more into his feminine energy.

It’s hard to imagine that today, looking at us together, but it’s absolutely true! But we flip-flopped our energy balance years ago and created a new way. And you can, too.

So, I hope your next date night is as magnificent, romantic, hot and delightful as ours!

5 thoughts on “The Difference Between Submission and Surrender!

  1. Hey Stace – I am chuckling at how much (and for how LONG) I had the confusion you highlight in this blog. I have learned so much for you! And now, I really savor moments like you describe on your date night. I think so many women have no idea the bliss they are missing out on in the name of control. It’s crazy isn’t it?! Our defense mechanism (going into masculine behavior) is literally the #1 thing that is most going to prevent us from getting what we seek. I love knowing and trusting that truth now. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! <3

  2. So I read this article and while I identified with it I was totally unsure how to execute it. I decided to try it for Saturday’s date night. I was already stressing about where to go for dinner–what can we afford, that we both like, that sounds good. He called on his way home and I just said “I know you’ve been busy today honey, why don’t you think about what you want to do and we’ll do that.” He did great! I acted very pleased and took him up on all of his suggestions–even when he suggested what I order at the restaurant–and things went so smoothly. I mentioned that I needed to pick up a few things from the store and he offered to work it into the plan. He commented at the end of the night “I had a really good time tonight!” Seriously all we did was go to ChickFilA, Dollar Tree, and for a drink after that. Nothing special! But I think my attitude helped!

  3. I totally agree Stacey! And since I have become aware and have moved more into my feminine (consciously and then eventually unconsciously) my man steps up in ways that make my heart sing! It is so liberating to know you can surrender to your man and know he’s got you! When I was in labor with my son, and many times since the birth, my husband has taken over to lead me when I needed to just let go. It has been a vacation of the body and mind that is sooo needed!!! xoxo thanks for this reminder, though. My naturally controlling nature has been learning to let go…your reminder of taking baby steps and letting your man literally navigate for you on a walk is a perfect lesson for me. 🙂 xox Shabbat Shalom!

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