Someone asked me a question the other day during one of our Q&A calls and it sparked a lot of attention. SO many people resonated with this person’s situation! It did not surprise me at all, since I get asked this question (in one form or another) often. So I thought I would answer the question here on the blog today too!
Dear Stacey,
My partner seems to have given up on our relationship. He’s not leaving, he said he wouldn’t do that, but he’s given up on our relationship getting any better than it is.
In the past few months I’ve had a big breakthrough in my perspective on our relationship and I’m willing to take responsibility for my role in our relationship today. I realize that as much as I’ve felt lonely, unappreciated and hurt over the past few years…he’s probably felt the same way.
It’s been three months since he’s been willing to talk about anything related to our relationship though. I told him I’d give him space, but I feel like I’m just hanging here.
I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things better than they’ve ever been, but I don’t think he believes me. The last time we talked he said that he’s done talking about things because he feels that we’ve talked in the past but nothing has changed.
I think that when we’ve talked before, we’ve each been so angry and had our own agendas in the conversation, that we weren’t really able to hear the other person. I’m willing to approach talking to him completely differently and just listen so I can try to understand what he even needs from me that he’s given up on getting. But he doesn’t want to talk. What do I do?
The key points to remember:
- STOP TALKING
- From the state you are both in currently, you cannot talk your way out of this…you cannot heal your own relationship from this state.
- Put your relationship conversation on the shelf for 8 weeks.
- Transform yourself, use the eight step Relationship Transformation System to shift yourself into the best version of yourself and the most authentic version of yourself
- Show up in your relationship differently, and prove this over a prolonged period of time…like 8 weeks.
- Let his EXPERIENCE of you shift in your relationship, in a consistent way, over time.
- Then when he experiences you differently, he will have a renewed optimism and a renewed energy from the progress that he’s experiencing…and he will come to you differently.
- Use the Brick Conversation™ framework to have a productive conversation with your partner….so the conversation is NOT like it used to be in the past!
If you are in a similar situation, please apply this same strategy in your own relationship! You must transform yourSELF and show up differently in your relationship in order to shift your relationship. Get yourself the support and love that you need to fortify yourself through this time. Follow a proven system of strategies and tools that really work to get you the transformation that you desire!
You must go beyond yourself to transform your relationship! If YOU and your partner could fix this, you would have done it already. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you!! It’s just that no one has taught you how to do this yet!
If we can serve you to help you do this quicker, more successfully and in a loving and supportive environment, please come join us! Our clients are experiencing amazing results every day in our programs and events!
Sending love to you,
Stacey
Hi Stacey! I could see how this process could relate to couples that are suffering from infertility. Sometimes, it’s nice to take a break from talking about things, and to reapproach from a new point of view.
Hi Dorothy! Absolutely, oh my gosh, YES!! That is so true Dorothy! Thanks for sharing your perspective here sweetie!!! Sending love!
Thank you Stacey, I highly recommend this program, if it resonates to your heart it is you are ready to make the shift and take personal responsability. In my experience im making quantic steps just by listening, reading and working the exercises. I m so Haaappppyy!
YAY!!!!!!!! I’m SO thrilled for you Lisa!!! I’m so delighted to hear about your progress and happiness in the Relationship Transformation Quick Start Program!!! We love having you as part of our community!!! Love you!!!
Thank you for the post. I was told once that communication was my responsibility. And, it is so true. Transformation is an inside job. Then and only then can the relationship change.
“Transformation is an inside job”!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT Lilia!!! You rock!!! Thank you so much for contributing your wisdom!!! Sending love!
Great support here~ so often we talk ourselves into a deeper hole then if we step back and reassess and with your system, everyone will succeed! Great insights as usual!
That is SO true Laura!!! Thanks so much for contributing your insight!! Love!
LOVE it Stacey! I so appreciate your blogs as I did marital therapy for over 10 years. Your words and knowledge are so dead on! I couldn’t agree with you more in today’s topic. Saw this issue over and over again myself! Great work.
Thanks so much Alyssa!! I know you have seen so much of this…so your support and wisdom are so much appreciated here sweetie!!!! Love you!
What a powerful conversation you had with your client. And an approach like you said that is so difficult for us women.
Thanks Kelly!! Everyone on the call really appreciated the conversation! Yep…it can be less than easy for us girls “not” to talk about it! That’s another reason why cultivating our heartfelt understanding for our amazing men is so critical!!! Love you!
Amazing support. Sometimes it is easier to talk than to transform “yourSELF and show up differently”. Employers know past performance is the best indicator of future success. Hearing, seeing and experiencing a shift does have impact and renews confidence in what is possible. Looks like you are doing a great job here helping people make a shift that will improve the relationship in question.
Well said!! Thanks Cindy!!! Great contribution! Sending love!
THIS WORKS!!!!
Do it!!!!!
Love you Renee!
Thank you for this wonderful insight again Stacey; you always seem to read my mind with these answers ;), and it appears many others are going through similar situations. Yes, it is so difficult to keep from communicating how one feels, especially after having held it in for so long for fear of being rejected and hurt again. For me it took a lot of courage to try to have a talk. I finally resorted to writing a letter (which I used to really enjoy doing under much more cordial circumstances) after trying futily (is that a word?) to schedule myself in for a time to talk. I thought we HAD to talk things through. It is so helpful to know, that sometimes it is ok not to talk, and let the actions do the talking.