I just completed a crazy whirlwind speaking schedule for Valentine’s Day! 14 speaking gigs in 6 days, 3 radio shows, 2 Spreecasts and a partridge in a pear tree (hehe)!
Do you know that nearly every single interviewer asked me the same question “Stacey, when is it just time to leave? Sometimes is it just not the right relationship?”
I do NOT believe that every marriage is meant to last long term. I don’t. I DO believe that some marriages/relationships come into our lives to teach us something and give us a GIFT.
However, I believe that while not every marriage is meant to last, every RELATIONSHIP can be rescued! Yes, every!
That marriage or committed relationship may not be your forever love, but you can and should heal that relationship with that partner! And if you have kids, sweetie, that relationship isn’t ending until you take your dying breath! You will co-parent with that person for the rest of your life! So what I teach is to rescue/heal the relationship so you can happily co-parent with that partner as you move on to your forever love relationship. You owe it to yourself and definitely your kids to have a happy co-parenting relationship instead of living in bitterness and “pissed-off-ed-ness” (just made that up) for the rest of your life.
What does this have to do with the question “WHEN is it just time to leave?”….a lot!
People actually come to me all the time and ask me that question, “when is it just time for me to leave?”
Paul and I have actually developed a Long-Term Alignment Discovery Process. That’s a fancy term for a “are we right for each other or what” test.
Many people come to me and want to do the Alignment Discovery to see if they should just leave already.
By definition, if you are coming to me asking if you can leave, you will NOT get an accurate reading on that discovery test.
Let me explain.
The only way to get an ACCURATE reading on a long term alignment discovery is to come from a place of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner.
WHY? Because if I ask you the questions, and you are NOT in that state of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding, then your answers are going to be driven by pain, fear, and upset.
And that’s not going to actually tell me the truth about your long-term alignment, it’s all going to be clouded by the pain, fear, and hurt of today. That’s just human nature.
So, to do an accurate Long-Term Alignment Discovery Session, you need to be in a space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner.
And, by definition, if you are asking me if it’s just time to LEAVE, I’m about 99% confident that you are not at peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding for your partner at that moment.
So, what is the answer? Our 8 Step Relationship Transformation System®.
It’s literally designed to empower YOU to get to that place of peace, compassion and heartfelt understanding for your partner, so you can get an accurate reading from a Long-Term Alignment Discovery.
Actually, steps 1 – 5 are designed to do that. When you fully implement steps 1 – 5, you will be in a space to do the discovery.
Also, Steps 1 – 5 are designed to get you to a place where you will know, with clarity and confidence, one of two things, either:
- From this space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding I now see that I just didn’t have the tools & strategies to navigate the stress and crisis that challenged our relationship before. Now I am empowered with what I need and our relationship has shifted so much, that I know for sure I am ready to continue to create my unshakable love and unleashed passion with my partner.
- From this space of peace, compassion, and heartfelt understanding I know with clarity and confidence that this is not the relationship for me long-term, and I am ready to happily co-parent with my partner as I transition into my forever love relationship!
Whatever the outcome, and no one can predict which it will be (so stop trying to control it), you will be more at peace, more whole and healed than you were before you began the process! And your family will be VERY grateful!
I’ve had many, many, many clients who fully implemented steps 1 – 5 and found themselves in Option #1, ready to dive deeper, take it to the next level, fully commit to their marriage and transform with that partner beyond anyone’s dreams or expectations!
I’ve also had MANY clients who fully implemented steps 1 – 5 and found themselves in Option #2. It wasn’t the outcome they had wanted when they first started. But somewhere along the journey they started to see the Divine Guidance and redirection of the peace, harmony, family, love & passion that was all still their divine destiny, it just didn’t look like what they were trying to FORCE it to look like. And as much as they were PUSHING against this outcome when they started….in time, they shifted SO much, they were so happy, it became so obvious that they were grateful to be moving forward – with a HAPPY family relationship with their partner (for the first time in a long time) and a HAPPY love life, with a new partner.
We can never ever guarantee HOW something is going to look. That’s not for us to know. In life, in business, in health, with our kids, and in love. We can’t control the HOW.
All we can control is who we are and what we do!
So, although people freak out when I say it, I do GUARANTEE my results! I can’t promise you which outcome you are going to discover for yourself, only G-d knows that. But I can guarantee that if you implement and integrate the 8 Step Relationship Transformation System® you will become more of your best and most authentic self, you will experience improvements and healing in your family and you will improve, rescue, or heal the relationship with your partner, whether or not the marriage is meant to last. (To Download our Free eBook and get all 8 Steps of the Relationship Transformation System® click here)
So, to answer the question. YES, there is a time to just leave.
But, it’s NOT NOW! You haven’t done the work yet.
And if you JUST leave, with your anger, resentment, frustration, hurt, pain, despair, rejection, sadness, pissed-off-ed-ness, or whatever you feel….you will take YOU with you to the next relationship!
And as my friend Meredith says “wherever you go…there you are!”
Don’t do this for your relationship, don’t do this for your partner, DO THIS FOR YOU!
You are worth it!
Stop living a life you hate!
Stop living in a relationship that’s not what you want!
And if the relationship you currently have is not your dream for your kids, you better start shifting it right now, because you are teaching them what marriage is by how you are living in yours!
It does not take two to tango. You can create this without needing your partner to participate.
It’s not easy.
It takes work.
And it’s hard.
But living every single day in a shit relationship is HARDER!
You are worth it! Do this for yourself!
P.S We can help! For our programs please click here: http://RelationshipDevelopment.org/programs
For our live events, please click here: http://RelationshipDevelopment.org/events
4 thoughts on “When is it just time to leave?”
Love this article Stacey Martino! Very wise words from a very wise love and passion expert.
So well put Stacey! It is best to get above that 50% line first and then…!
That Meredith is a very brilliant woman also 😉
Thank you Meredith!!!!! So glad you love this!
Thank you Yani! And I also agree….Meredith is pretty brilliant 😉 Muah!
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